Self-Healing Mindfulness Book

The core of mindfulness that can help you achieve self-healing is never to "clear your brain" or "forcibly stay positive", but to live with all the feelings of the moment without judgment - even if you are so anxious that you want to throw your phone down, the tip of your nose is sore from grievance, or even your mind is full of curse words, there is no need to rush to get rid of these feelings, you just need to stand next to the emotion and see it.

The first time I came into contact with mindfulness was three years ago. At that time, I thought about it very mysteriously. I felt that I had to sit cross-legged, light incense, and close my eyes to count my breaths. Whenever my mind wandered, I would scold myself for poor concentration. After practicing for half a month, I became even more anxious. I had to emo for half an hour before going to bed every day because "my mindfulness was not up to standard today." Looking back now, it's really funny.

Later, after meeting more practitioners, I discovered that there is no unified standard in the mindfulness circle. On one side are practitioners of the classic mindfulness-based stress reduction therapy (MBSR) founded by Professor Kabat-Zinn. The real clinical data is here: formal practice for 30 minutes at least 5 times a week for 8 consecutive weeks can effectively relieve generalized anxiety by more than 40%. I have participated in an offline mindfulness camp before. The teacher asked everyone to lock their mobile phones in the cabinet and get up at six o'clock every morning to meditate. Indeed, many high-pressure business executives said after the class that their sleep was much better and that the migraines that had been bothering them for many years were reduced.

But then again, not everyone has the conditions to spare a full half hour without being disturbed. If you ask a social worker who has to make breakfast for his children every morning, take the subway for two hours, and catch up on plans after get off work, to sit in meditation for half an hour every day, it is simply more difficult than asking him to meet KPI standards. Therefore, in recent years, more and more postmodern clinical psychologists have proposed the concept of "micro-mindfulness", which does not require a fixed scene and a fixed duration. It can be 30 seconds or 1 minute. My friend who is an e-commerce operator is the best example. Last year during Double 11, she worked overtime for 21 days in a row. She changed the plan every day until she wanted to smash her keyboard. So she learned a little trick from the blogger: every time her emotions reached the critical point, she would stop and touch for 30 seconds. The pot of peach eggs on her table was fleshy, and she felt the softness of the thick leaves and the itching sensation of the thin burrs on the edges of her fingertips. With such a small gesture, she didn't even open the package of the ibuprofen she usually took during that time. Before, she would have suffered a migraine at the peak of her busy schedule. Later, she taught this method to the newly graduated interns in the team. Every time the little girl was scolded and cried by Party A, she would hold the keychain with the plush doll hanging on it, pinch the soft doll ears twice, wipe away the tears, and then continue to change the plan.

Many people have a misunderstanding, thinking that if they practice mindfulness, they will no longer have worries. How can this be such a good thing? I have been practicing for three years now, and I still get angry because my takeout is 10 minutes overtime, and I still get scratched when I get stuck writing a report. But the difference is: when I used to get angry, I would also scold myself, "Why can't I calm down for such a trivial matter?" This is like adding a layer of self-attack buff to the original trouble - just like if you accidentally step in the mud, you can just clean your shoes, but you have to jump back and forth in the mud, getting all over your pants, which makes it even more troublesome. Now I can only quietly feel "Oh, I'm a little angry now", and that's enough. When the energy passes, it's time to urge orders and write reports. Instead, I won't be carried away by my emotions. Last year during the Chinese New Year, I had a fight with my mother. I was so angry that I was shaking all over. Before, I would either slam the door and go into my room and stay there all day long, or I would say a few hurtful words quickly. That time I suddenly remembered the practice of mindfulness and stood there without saying a word. I could only feel my own heartbeat pounding. My face was as hot as if I had a baby warmer on it, and my nails were clenched. My heart ached. I didn't scold myself for "Why are you arguing with your elders?" I didn't force myself to "quickly calm down." I just felt these feelings. After about a minute, half of the anger that rushed to the top of my head disappeared by itself. Later, we sat down to talk, and we didn't settle old scores. This was impossible before.

Of course, I have also seen many people complain that mindfulness is an "IQ tax", and I completely understand this. Many courses on the market now boast that mindfulness is magical, saying that it can cure depression and improve your financial fortune. They often charge tens of thousands of yuan in tuition. In essence, they are harvesting anxiety. This is what academic circles have always reminded: mindfulness is just a tool to regulate emotions, and it cannot help you solve difficulties. Party A can't make your hated colleagues resign automatically, nor can it make your savings suddenly increase. What it can do is to pull you back for a second from "regret that you didn't do well yesterday and worry that you won't do well tomorrow" and spend the present moment well first.

After all, there are no rules in this book that you must abide by, and there are no check-in requirements. Whichever page you turn to counts as the page, and you can practice whenever you think of it. It’s okay to take half an hour every day to meditate. It’s okay to feel the coolness of the wind on your face while waiting for the elevator. It’s okay to even count the number of pairs of shoes of different styles passing in front of you while waiting in line. As long as you don’t scold yourself in your mind, “Why are you so idle?”, that’s all mindfulness.

When it comes to self-healing, there is never a standard answer. Whatever makes you feel comfortable is the right answer.