self healing books

Self-healing books are not a panacea that can cure heart problems, nor are they useless "chicken soup for the soul". They are the lowest-cost psychological self-help portal accessible to ordinary people - provided you don't have too high expectations for it, and don't treat it as a refuge from reality.

Two years ago, when I had just resigned and had a breakup, I completely disagreed with this conclusion. At that time, I was squatting on the cold floor of the rental house to unpack the express delivery. There was uneaten Malatang next to me. I took out a stack of self-healing books that I had ordered in advance - "The Courage to Be Disliked", "The Body Never Forgets", "The Inner Child", and the announcement on the waistband. The messages were more poignant than the others. At that time, I thought I had finally grasped the life-saving straw, but after turning three pages, I started crying. After crying, I felt that the book was a lie, so I threw it on the top shelf of the bookshelf to collect dust, without even having time to throw away the express box.

Later, I did CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) consultation with the school psychological center for half a year, and I discovered that the academic community has always been divided on this type of book. The Department of Psychology at Yale University conducted a survey in 2022. It was found that the core ideas in more than 62% of popular self-healing books have not been verified by large-scale clinical controlled trials, especially those fast-food books with the banner of "3 steps to get out of depression" and "7 days to say goodbye to anxiety". On the contrary, it is easy to cause secondary harm to readers, "I can't do it because I am not good enough". Many academic researchers even directly classify such books as "pseudo-psychology books". But what’s interesting is that many of the front-line clinical counselors I’ve come into contact with prefer to prescribe “book prescriptions” to patients. My counselor recommended “Burns’ New Emotional Therapy” to me at that time, so that I didn’t have to read it all. When I was in a bad mood, I would turn to the chapter of the three-column table and fill in the “events, thoughts, emotions”. I filled it out intermittently for less than half a month, and it was indeed much more useful than just thinking about it.

When choosing books, many people like to focus on the top ones on the sales list. I have done this before, and I have encountered many pitfalls. The most outrageous time was when I bought a so-called "million-selling healing book". The whole book teaches readers that "as long as you are grateful enough, all pain will disappear." I was unable to get out because of the death of my loved one at the time. After reading it, I only felt that my chest was more congested - Am I not grateful enough, so I deserve to be sad? Later, I slowly figured out some tips: If you are currently in an acute emotional period after an accident, don't read books that teach you to "bounce up immediately" and "solve the problem immediately". Instead, find something that can catch your emotions, even picture books. I survived by reading scattered fragments of "You Be Like a Bird Flying to Your Mountain". When your mood is more stable, go to the ones with practical methods. You don't need to follow the exercises every day. When you get stuck, just take it out and turn a few pages.

For example, the original family-themed healing book that was very popular in the past few years has caused a lot of quarrels on the Internet. Some people say that after reading it, they finally dare to raise boundaries with their parents. Others say that they blame themselves even more after reading it and feel that they are unfilial. Some people hold the book every day to settle old scores with their parents, which in turn makes the family relationship even more tense. In fact, it essentially depends on how you use it: if you use the content in the book as a gun and hold people around you accountable every day, then you will definitely become more and more upset the more you read. ； If you use it as a mirror to know how your current personality and behavior patterns are formed, and know how to adjust when you encounter similar problems in the future, then it will be useful. I used to know a netizen who was controlled by her family of origin for more than 20 years. She bought more than 30 healing books related to the family of origin. She wrote reading notes every day and scolded her parents. After scolding her for half a year, she still suffered from insomnia every day. Later, her counselor told her, don’t just memorize the opinions in the book. Next time your mother forces you to take the public exam, try to say the sentence in the book, "I can be responsible for my own life." When she first said it, her whole body was shaking. After hanging up the phone, she slept for the first time in three years.

To be honest, I have also seen people rely on the law of attraction in "The Secret" to really adjust their status and get the offer they want. I have also seen people become more depressed after reading Douban's TOP1 healing books. There is no unified standard for this kind of thing. If you think it is useful, just read two more pages. If you feel more uncomfortable, just throw it aside. There is no need to follow other people's books. It seems that you have not been healed if you haven't read a certain book.

A few days ago when I was organizing my bookshelf, I flipped down the pile of books that I had thrown on the top floor. Some of the pages were wrinkled by my tears, some had a lot of angry words written on them, and there were a few books that I still don’t agree with, but I didn’t throw them away. After all, it's just like the umbrella you take when you go out on a rainy day. It can't help you stop the rain, and it can't guarantee that you won't get wet at all, but holding it is better than running around in the rain. As for which way to go, whether to go fast or slow, it is ultimately up to you.