The power of self-healing

The essence of self-healing has never been about "completely eliminating negative emotions" or "completely reconciling with past traumas", but rather the ability of adjustment that is inherent in each person and can gradually rebuild the inner order after setbacks and losses. It does not require strong willpower, does not need to rely on external salvation, let alone any standardized "healing template". As long as you find a path that suits your own state, even the most ordinary person can easily activate this inner power.

Two years ago, a public welfare project I was responsible for was suspended due to funding problems. More than three months of preparations were all in vain. I locked myself at home for half a month. My friends either persuaded me to go on a trip to relax, or asked me to quickly make an appointment for psychological counseling to "get some relief." " Instead, I did nothing. I squatted in the flower pond on the balcony to grow onions every day. I cut the remaining roots of the chives I bought from the vegetable market and buried them in them. I watered them twice a day. I squatted next to them and watched the new green onion leaves emerge little by little from the dry onion heads. They were so tender and shiny. Strangely enough, when the green onions were long enough to be cut off and fried eggs, the stone that had been stuck in my heart for almost a month suddenly broke into pieces without even realizing it.

Don't tell me, this kind of "useless trivial things" can heal people. It's really not just my delusion. Different schools of psychology have actually always had different explanations for the operating logic of self-healing. Psychoanalytic counselors will believe that this seemingly unconscious behavior is actually your inner self actively looking for an outlet for adjustment: the process of growing onions is essentially the experience of "cultivating a little life to grow slowly", regaining a sense of control over your life, and releasing your out-of-control anxiety bit by bit. ； However, researchers in the school of positive psychology do not agree with this logic of "digging out the roots." They believe that self-healing does not require tracing back to the subconscious or childhood trauma. You only need to actively accumulate current positive sensory experiences, such as the warmth of the sun on your body and the sweetness of a bite of fruit. If you accumulate enough of these small pleasures, the psychological losses will naturally be replenished. ； There are also psychological studies from the perspective of local culture that have been mentioned a lot in recent years, which are more down-to-earth - the "resilience in life" that our older generation often talks about is actually the self-healing ability engraved in the bones of ordinary people: when you are wronged, go to the vegetable market, listen to the stall owners, carry a bag of fresh vegetables home and make a bowl of hot soup, and you can overcome any obstacles first.

But while we’re at it, we have to talk about the two extreme views on self-healing, which are actually a bit biased. Some people say that this is all a chicken soup concept created by businesses. Spending hundreds of dollars on mindfulness classes and emotional diaries is not as useful as getting a good night's sleep. ； Some people criticize those who advocate self-healing for standing up and talking without back pain. If you really suffer from depression or anxiety, relying on yourself to heal is simply a delay in treatment. This is actually true. In the six years I have been working in psychology, I have always told clients who come for consultation that self-healing is never a substitute for professional treatment. If you have had insomnia for more than two weeks in a row, have lost interest in all the things you used to like, or even have thoughts of harming yourself, it is more important than anything else to go to the psychiatric department of a regular hospital as soon as possible. The positioning of self-healing is more like our daily psychological "health care". It is the energy that can help you when you encounter less serious emotional lows, work pressure, and life frustrations.

Last week I met a girl who was working as a back-end developer at an Internet company. She had been working overtime for three consecutive months. On the day the project was launched, she cried in the stairwell of the company for almost an hour. Instead of seeking psychological counseling or complaining to her friends, she bought a cabinet of Gundam models and worked on them for two hours every day when she got home from work. She didn’t even look at WeChat while working on the project, and the screws made a clicking sound. She told me, "You know, when I was putting it together, I didn't have to think about anything. I just focused on where the piece should be installed. If I made a mistake, I would dismantle it and start over again. After I put it together, I stood on the shelf, neatly, as if the emotions I had broken for several months were put back together piece by piece. ”You see, there is no standard treatment plan. Some people vent their anger by running ten kilometers, some people relax by petting cats all afternoon, and some people like to dig out their closets and tidy them up. Some people even write the names of people they hate on soap and rub them off when washing their hands. As long as it does not harm yourself or others, and can make you feel that the tension in your heart is relaxed, that is the method that is most suitable for you.

Yesterday when I was getting off work, I met Aunt Zhang who sells pickles downstairs. My husband has been gone for almost ten years and her son works out of town. She lives alone. She sets up a small stall at the entrance of the community every afternoon to sell pickled dried radish and cucumber strips. Someone asked her, doesn't it feel hard to live alone? She wiped her hands and said with a smile, "It's bitter, but when I get up every morning to pickle vegetables, I watch the radishes slowly pickle and become translucent, sprinkle with chili powder and Sichuan peppercorns, and the aroma slowly wafts out. I feel that life is like this dish. Simmering it slowly will always bring out the fragrance. ”

In fact, each of us has this power of self-healing. It is not that mysterious and does not require you to learn any advanced methods. It is your willingness to eat a bowl of hot rice, pour some water on the dying flower, and give yourself some time to slowly recover. This is your most precious inner strength.