Definition of psychological counseling

Psychological counseling is a professional helping process in which counselors who have been trained in systematic psychology and hold relevant professional qualifications, under the framework of strict professional ethics such as confidentiality and non-harm, use empirically verified or internally recognized psychological techniques to assist clients in sorting out psychological dilemmas, exploring self-needs, and improving social adaptability. This is the core definition that is currently relatively unanimous in the industry.

But to be honest, I have been working as a front-line consultant for 6 years. Every time I explain this to relatives and friends, someone always frowns and asks, "Isn't that just paying someone to chat?" ”

Don't tell me, it really isn't. Ordinary chatting has no boundaries. If you complain about your husband to your best friend, your best friend may join you in scolding you, or you may turn around and treat it as gossip and tell others. Psychological counseling has strict ethical boundaries. Everything you say, unless it involves self-injury, hurting others, or legal requirements, the counselor will not say a word to anyone else. Even if they encounter you outside, they will actively avoid saying hello to avoid causing unnecessary trouble to you. As for those people on the Internet who charge you tens of thousands of dollars and promise to help you win back your ex and reverse your marriage, that is not psychological counseling at all, but just selling anxiety and cutting leeks. Don’t believe it.

Interestingly, even within the industry, counselors with different orientations have different emphasis on the specific definition of psychological counseling.

For example, the psychoanalytic orientation I was first trained in is more willing to view psychological counseling as "the process of making the subconscious conscious." I once had a visitor who was in her thirties. She had been in love seven or eight times and always broke up with her. She also found it strange that she was obviously a good match for her, but when it came to the stage of marriage, she felt uncomfortable all over and always wanted to run away. We chatted for more than three months. When she was a child, her parents always said in front of her, "If it weren't for you, we would have divorced a long time ago." She suddenly realized that she had always subconsciously felt that "intimate relationships will eventually break down. As long as I break up first, I won't have to bear the pain of abandonment." This process of digging out the hook hidden under the consciousness is psychological counseling from a psychoanalytic perspective.

Counselors who switch to the cognitive behavioral school (CBT) definitely disagree with this statement. They believe that the core of psychological counseling is to "correct irrational cognitions and establish adaptive behaviors." Last month, my colleague picked up a high school sophomore who had diarrhea as soon as he took the mock exam. He went to the hospital to check if there was any problem. When he came for consultation, the first thing he said was, "If I don't pass the 985 exam, my whole life will be ruined." My colleague didn't talk about his childhood, so he took him to sort out "10 possibilities after failing to pass the 985 exam", and combined it with progressive relaxation training. A total of 8 consultations were conducted, and his physiological reaction basically disappeared next time he took the mock test.

Humanistic counselors feel that the first two are too "technical". In their view, psychological counseling is essentially "to provide the client with a completely safe and non-judgmental relationship." I heard about a case when I was attending training. There was a person who sat on the sofa and cried during the first four consultations without saying a word. The consultant just sat quietly opposite and handed over a tissue in the middle of crying. During the whole process, he never asked, "What's wrong with you?" Tell me." After the fifth visit, I finally spoke, and my first sentence was, "I have grown up this long, and this is the first time that someone is willing to wait until I am ready before talking. My parents have always thought that I was slow, and they always push me for everything." You see, no technology is useful, just this "waiting for you" relationship has already had a healing effect.

When many people come for their first consultation, they ask as soon as they sit down, "Do I want to resign?" Do I want a divorce? Give me an idea." I tell them every time. I can't give you any specific advice on life choices. I'm not you. I don't know your experiences from childhood to adulthood, and I don't know whether you care more about stability or happiness. All I can do is to accompany you to sort out the knotted thoughts in your heart and let you know what you really want. After all, only you have the final say in your life.

I sometimes chat with colleagues, and they always say that psychological counseling is actually more like walking with someone on a night walk. You are the one who knows where you are going. I only have a flashlight in my hand to help you shine on the stones and pits at your feet to prevent you from falling in pain. But you still have to walk the road yourself - I will not drag you in the direction I think is right, let alone carry you on my back. Oh, by the way, when you go to a place with light, I will take the initiative to quit, and I will not stay in your life.