I am well versed in self-healing

Let me put the core conclusion first: there is no standard answer to self-healing, nor does it require you to forcefully complete the KPI of "getting out of a bad mood immediately". Those little habits that you have discovered by yourself, and even seem a bit "useless" to outsiders, are the most suitable emotional first aid kit for you.

Last year, we spent three months working on the entire brand project in Q3. Before the launch, the customer suddenly withdrew their investment, and the entire team's work, which had been busy for half a year, was completely wasted. After get off work, I didn’t answer my colleagues’ call to make a meal to comfort me, nor did I practice mindfulness meditation according to the “Emotional First Aid Guide” I had saved before. Instead, I took a detour to the canteen in front of the elementary school near my home and bought five packs of sticky hands for five yuan. I stood under the sycamore tree and stuck the leaves for 20 minutes. When a plastic bag of wrinkled sycamore leaves was filled with sticky leaves, the painful congestion in my chest disappeared inexplicably.

In fact, at first I thought this method was a bit "unappreciable". After all, the self-healing tutorials I saw online were either 10 minutes of mindful breathing or writing an emotional diary to sort out cognitive biases. They all seemed to be very "correct" professional methods. I had followed the trend and signed up for a NT$99 healing training camp, which required me to clock in and write down positive sentiments every day. I quit the group after persisting for three days. I was scolded by a customer that day, so I just wanted to write, "I didn't gain anything today, so I just want to scold people."

Later, after talking with some friends in the psychology industry, I learned that the controversy about self-healing has never stopped. Most academic researchers adhere to the "emotion traceability theory" and believe that only by finding the trigger source of negative emotions and adjusting inherent cognitive biases can the problem be fundamentally solved. Otherwise, they will just transfer their emotions every time, which is "escape", and they will still collapse next time they encounter the same thing. However, there are also many front-line clinical consultants who hold the opposite view. They believe that for ordinary people who do not have enough psychological energy, "relieving pain first and then treating the disease" is a more humane choice. If you have to force a collapsed person to "review what is wrong with you", it is essentially secondary harm.

I know a counselor who does trauma counseling, and it’s interesting to mention her own “painkiller”: shoe polish. She keeps more than 20 pairs of leather boots at home. Every time after receiving a severe trauma case, she squats in the entrance hall to polish the shoes, apply shoe polish, and rub them with a cloth until they are shiny. After polishing three pairs of shoes, the nerves that have been tense for several hours naturally relax. A few years ago, she felt embarrassed that she was using such an "unprofessional" method to regulate her emotions in this industry, until her supervisor told her: "As long as it doesn't harm yourself or others, any method is good. ”

But that doesn’t mean that “Wild Road” is omnipotent. Last year, my cousin was resigned from her job as a PUA. She stayed at home for three months and tried all the methods she used to coax herself: buying limited edition bags, traveling to Sanya, and dancing with friends until the early hours of the morning, but nothing worked. Even browsing the Moments of former colleagues would make her hands shake and break out in cold sweats. Finally, I found a counselor who does cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT). It took me half a year to sort out the cognitive biases in the past, and then I slowly came out of it. She later told me that her emotions at that time were no longer as bad as if she had fallen and scratched her skin, but that her bones were cracked and it would be useless to apply ten band-aids. She had to find a regular doctor to fix the bones.

Over the years, I have gone through many emotional hurdles, big and small, and I have gradually figured out my own rules: daily minor annoyances, such as catching up on plans and having a headache, being stepped on by someone on the subway, or arguing with a partner, can be dealt with in a wild way - go downstairs to buy a popsicle to chew on, squat in front of the cat cafe for ten minutes to pet a stray cat passing by, or even take out my mobile phone and play three games of Elixir. No need to think about the root cause, the emotion will be over. If I encounter something really difficult to handle, such as the departure of an important person or the failure of something I have worked hard on for a long time, I will not insist on relying on entertainment. I will cry to my friends when I need to cry, and make an appointment with a counselor when I need to. There is no need to force myself to "get better quickly", it can take as long as it takes.

What do you mean by "being familiar with the road"? In fact, there are no people who are born with the ability to heal themselves. But after spending more than 20 years with myself, I have already figured out my own temperament: I know that I can take soft things rather than hard things, I know that forcing myself to be "positive" will only lead to overkill, and I know that I don't need to copy other people's healing templates. I use whatever is comfortable for me, which is the best.

After all, self-healing is a private matter between you and yourself. How can there be any unified standard answer?