The ten most classic sentences for self-healing

1. There is nothing wrong with you, it’s just that your current emotions are stuck.

2. Allowing yourself to be unhappy is the beginning of happiness

3. Don’t always find fault with yourself, many things have nothing to do with you in the first place.

4. You don’t need to prove your worth to anyone

5. Everything that has happened was the best choice you could make at that time.

6. You don’t need to be “well” to start living, you can move forward with symptoms

7. Even if you do nothing, you still deserve to be treated well

8. The discomfort in a relationship is not that you are not good enough, but that you are not suitable.

9. Stop when you are tired. Not everything has to have results.

10. You have done a good job, I see your efforts

To be honest, when I first compiled these words, I was criticized by my colleagues, saying that this is just chicken soup that can be seen everywhere on the Internet. What use can it be?

I didn’t refute it until last month when a girl I had been with before sent me a message saying that she was laid off and broken up last year. She lay in the rental house crying every day for half a month. She had dozens of pages of healing books and psychological counseling strategies saved in her phone. Without touching any of them, she just said, “Even if you don’t do anything, you deserve to be treated well.” "Write it on a note and stick it on the bedside. You will read it every day when you wake up. When you are hungry, you will order your favorite takeaway. If you don't want to move, you will lie down and watch variety shows. Instead of forcing yourself to "come out quickly", you will recover after three months. Now you have found a job with a higher salary than before, and your new boyfriend will accompany her to watch talk shows.

You see, what can help you in many cases is never some complex psychological theory, but a sentence that just hits your pain point and helps you loosen the shackles on yourself.

Oh, yes, there is a sentence here that is the most controversial, which is "allowing yourself to be unhappy is the beginning of happiness." A friend who does positive psychology research argued with me for almost half an hour, saying that always emphasizing on allowing negative emotions will make people fall into rumination and aggravate depression. In fact, both statements are correct. It depends on your current state: if you have just been scolded, have just lost love, or have just experienced something bad, don't force yourself to "get better soon" or "be happy". Holding a pillow and crying for half an hour is much more useful than holding on to a grin. ； But if you have been in a low mood for more than two weeks and don't want to do anything every day, then you really need to try to actively mobilize positive experiences. Even if you go out to bask in the sun for 5 minutes or buy a cup of your favorite milk tea, don't lie down and let your emotions wrap you up.

The deepest feeling I had about these words was when my grandma passed away the year before last. I couldn't recover for more than a month. I always felt that I was too busy and didn't spend more time with her, and I blamed myself for being "unfilial". Once when I was sorting out my grandma's old things, I found a note she had written to me. The last sentence was "You have done a great job, I see your hard work." I burst into tears. After crying, I suddenly felt that if grandma were here, she would definitely not want to see me blaming myself so much every day. You see, the essence of these words is actually to help you stop attacking yourself - too many people's first reaction when encountering a problem is not to think about how to solve it, but to scold themselves bloody first. The internal friction has exhausted all their energy, so how can they still have the energy to deal with the problem?

By the way, there is also the saying "You don't have to always find your own fault, many things have nothing to do with you", which is simply a lifesaver for people who please people. I had an administrative person come to visit me before. How outrageous is that? A colleague was scolded by her boss. She needs to reflect on whether she didn’t help her colleague get water just now. ； A friend broke up with her partner, and she blamed herself for not saying nice things to them last time at dinner. ； Even when she met a stranger on the street and gave him a stern look, she would have to wonder if the clothes she was wearing today were too strange. I asked her to set this sentence as a screen saver on her mobile phone, and read it three times every time she couldn't help but start to "review" where she went wrong. Three months later, she told me that the time she saved every day allowed her to catch up on two more episodes of the series, and she also signed up for a yoga class, and her overall appearance improved more than a little.

I actually don’t like when people say that these words are “spiritual victory methods” and that problems must be solved. Nonsense, of course I know that the problem needs to be solved, but you are almost overwhelmed by the thoughts of self-attack and can't stand up. Where can you find the strength to solve the problem? These words are like band-aids that you carry with you. They are not a panacea that can cure all ailments, nor can they help you pay off your credit card debt or deal with difficult customers. But at least when you are shivering in pain, take it out and put it on. It can stop the pain first and allow you to stand firm before thinking about the next step.

Oh, yes, don’t force yourself to memorize all ten sentences, it’s useless. Just scan it and pick the one that strikes you the most, and either set it as a screen saver, or write it on a sticky note and stick it in a place where you can often see it, such as your work station or the refrigerator door. Next time you encounter an emotional situation, read it again. It will be more useful than saving hundreds of healing copywriting or taking many psychological classes.

I have been providing psychological services for so long and have met so many people. I relied on such an inconspicuous word to survive the darkest days in my life. Healing is never something grand that requires you to spend a lot of money and energy to do it. Sometimes it is just a sentence like this, gently pulling you in when you need it most.