self healing book

The best self-healing book is never a best-seller in the psychology section of a bookstore with the words "30 days to cure internal friction" or "Reconcile with yourself after reading" sealed on the waist. It is an exclusive record that you save one by one, with no title, no table of contents, and even typos and graffiti.

Last year when I was volunteering as a psychological escort in the community, I met a little girl who was in her second year of high school. She was severely anxious. Her hands shook and she vomited when she took an exam. When the class teacher brought her over, she buried her head in her collar and couldn't speak clearly. I didn't give her any book list that was popular on the Internet, so I handed her a 5-yuan coil book and told her that she didn't need to keep a diary and memorize good words and sentences. She could write whatever she wanted, even if it meant scolding me and the class teacher for criticizing the test questions, even if it meant drawing a bastard and pasting it in the notebook, or even just writing the four words "I'm so annoyed today". Three months later, she came to me with her notebook in hand. She turned to the last page and showed it to me. The words were crooked: "Today's mock test improved by 17 places. I only saw it when I turned to the front of the notebook. Last month, I wrote that I wanted to blow up the exam room. It's so stupid to think about it now." ”

Of course, this does not mean that the healing books on the market are completely useless. Counselors of different schools have different recommendation logics: counselors with a cognitive behavioral orientation often recommend "Burns' New Emotional Therapy", which is supported by clinical data - for people with mild to moderate depression, if they insist on completing the three-column note-taking exercise in the book, the improvement effect is close to that of a low-dose placebo combined with basic counseling.； Psychoanalytic counselors prefer to recommend literary works. Camus's "The Stranger" and Dostoyevsky's novels are all on their recommendation list. The core logic is that "seeing the pain of others is the beginning of accepting one's own pain." There is nothing wrong with this.

What's the problem? I received a visitor last month. There were 27 psychological self-help books on the bookshelf at home. Each book was full of key points. I made half a book of notes. I still cried every day and said, "The book says to accept my own imperfections, but I can't even accept it. Am I really hopeless?" You see, here’s the problem: all publicly published healing books are general experiences extracted by others, and they are mass-produced cold medicines. But only you know whether you have wind-cold or wind-heat, and whether you have drug allergies. It's normal that other people's prescriptions can't cure your disease.

I was very anxious when I resigned two years ago. I followed the trend and bought a lot of books on emotional management. After turning two pages, I couldn't read it. All I could think about was "What will I do with the rent next month?" Later, I randomly found an old notebook and wrote whatever came to my mind every day. Sometimes I would call my former boss a fool, sometimes I would calculate how much I spent on groceries today, and sometimes I would squat downstairs and watch the cat sunbathing, and when I came back, I would draw a crooked cat in the notebook. About two months later, I turned over the notebook and suddenly found that I had written "Today the orange cat downstairs rubbed my hand" for three consecutive days. At that moment, I suddenly relaxed - you see, I can still grasp some happy things, and they are not all bad.

Some people say that I can’t write at all. What should I do if my mind goes blank when I pick up a pen? There are so many rules. A friend of mine’s “healing book” is a mobile phone photo album, which is full of messy photos: an extra egg given by the aunt who sells hand cakes downstairs, the pink and purple sunset I encountered on the way to get off work, the hot milk tea that my roommate secretly placed on her table, and the little hearts painted on the glass windows in the winter. Every time she felt sad, she would flip through this photo album, just turn through a dozen or so photos, and say, "Look, I am still loved by many little things." There are also people who use voice memos and complain to their phones for ten minutes every day, and then delete them without writing a word. The effect is the same. The core is not "writing" or "reading" at all. It is that you have to have a container that belongs only to you, to hold your emotions, meaningless thoughts, and even shameful dark thoughts that cannot be told to outsiders.

A few days ago, I was sorting out old boxes and found an old book written 20 years ago. There was a page filled with swear words, and a drawing of a crying figure next to it, with a crooked line underneath: "I ate the hot dry noodles downstairs today. It was so delicious. I don't seem to want to die that much anymore." ”I stared at that line of words and laughed for a long time. It turned out that those things that I thought were falling down at the time were just a pencil mark on the paper that was so faint that it was almost invisible. Once I wiped it, it was gone.

After all, the only person who can accompany you through all the difficult roads is the amazing you.