ABCDE model of emotion regulation

The core essence of the ABCDE model of emotion regulation is that your emotions and behaviors are never directly determined by the events that occur. The real determining factor is your interpretation of the event.； By refuting irrational beliefs and establishing new beliefs that are more in line with reality, we can fundamentally break out of the emotional cycle of "collapse when something happens". It is also one of the easiest and most practical cognitive adjustment tools for ordinary people to use.

This model was first proposed by psychologist Albert Ellis in Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT). When I first learned psychological counseling, I thought it was the kind of academic display that could only be used in the clinic. It wasn’t until I was volunteering in the community and met the fresh graduate squatting in the corridor crying that I really realized how down-to-earth it was. The little girl handed the project plan that she had worked on for three days to the leader that day, but was beaten back and asked to make major changes. She sat on the steps of the fire escape and shed tears. She flipped through the recruitment software and told me, "I am a waste. I am not suitable for this industry at all. I will definitely be fired in two months."

You must have experienced similar moments, right? The plan being rejected is A (Activating event), "I am useless and will definitely be fired" is B (Belief) that comes out of your subconscious, and squatting in the corridor crying, thinking about quitting your job, and not daring to touch the computer all afternoon is the final C (Consequence). When many people adjust their emotions, they always think about changing A, such as "I wish I had written the plan more perfectly", or they try to suppress the emotion of C and force themselves not to cry, but they never notice that the unspoken B in the middle is the key.

Some people may curl their lips, isn't this just chicken soup of "looking at the problem from another angle"? Not really. The biggest difference between it and chicken soup is the last two steps: D (Disputation) and E (Effect), and the argument must be concrete, not forcing you to "be optimistic and happy." I handed the little girl a bottle of ice soda and asked her three questions: "Did you receive praise from the department group for the activity review you did last time? When the leader returned the plan, did he only say that the data dimensions were not enough, but not that you were incompetent? In the three months since you joined the company, have you ever made a mistake and been fired? ”After asking the three questions, she was stunned. Yes, the leader also attached three pages of reference materials to her. This was not to deny her as a person at all. Later, she changed two versions of the plan, and finally won the department's quarterly innovation award. This is E - after changing the belief that is consistent with reality, her emotions and behavior will change accordingly.

To put it bluntly, this model is like the filter in your mobile phone. For the same original film (event that happened), if you put a dark gray filter on it, the resulting photo will look depressing. If you change the filter to a transparent natural color, even if there are a few dark clouds in the original film, it will not affect the overall brightness. The human brain has a negative bias. When our ancestors saw grass moving in the wild, they defaulted to tigers in order to survive. Therefore, it is normal to think the worst when encountering things. Things like "I must do everything well," "I will fail if I don't do one thing well," "Everyone must like me." These unreasonable beliefs are not your fault. Don't scold yourself as soon as you notice them. "Why are you so pretentious?"

However, when I chat with colleagues with different orientations, I often hear different opinions on this model. There is no need to tout it as a panacea. My friends who do psychoanalysis always argue with me, saying that you are just changing things on the surface. Some people have been asked by their parents since they were young to "must be number one in the exam to be worthy of being loved." This kind of belief is engraved in the subconscious. It is useless to just rely on a few sentences at the conscious level. You have to dig into the root of the early years. ； Some colleagues who do short-term behavioral intervention said that when you are really emotionally overwhelmed, such as being criticized in public, or stepping on your white shoes while rushing to work on the subway, your mind goes blank at that time, your amygdala is so hot, and you can’t think of any rebuttal steps. It is better to do 478 breathing three times to suppress the physiological emotions first, and then talk about adjusting your cognition. These statements are all reasonable. There is no standard answer to emotional regulation, just use it.

I have been using this model for almost 6 years. Now I don’t follow the steps every time I encounter something, and I have even encountered many pitfalls. There was a time when I was working on a manuscript until three o'clock in the morning. My computer suddenly went blue and half of the manuscript I had written was not saved. My first reaction was "Why am I so unlucky? My work was in vain today." I stayed on the sofa for 10 minutes and waited until my emotions calmed down before I realized: Oh, no, I just sent the outline to the editor the day before. The first third of the content is still saved in WeChat. It will take up to two hours to complete it. It is not "all in vain" at all. I also saved a "slap list" in the memo on my phone. Every time I think "I must have messed up" or "everyone has a problem with me", I will go through the records that I thought were going to be over but actually nothing happened in the end. It is much more effective than empty words to persuade myself.

Oh, yes, don’t use this model as a tool for self-PUA. I had a friend who had a fight with her boyfriend before and forced herself to use ABCDE to adjust. Halfway through the adjustment, she collapsed even more. She cried and said, "Why do I have to force myself to think about it even when I'm angry? Am I not even qualified to be emotional?" ”It's really not necessary. It's just a tool to help you avoid being in trouble. It's not a shackle to suppress your emotions. If you don't want to adjust, it's totally fine to curse for half an hour. Do whatever makes you feel comfortable.

Of course, it must be made clear that this model is only suitable for daily emotional distress. If you encounter traumatic events such as the death of a loved one or a major accident, don't force yourself to "think from a different perspective". When you should cry, you should seek help. Tools are always there to serve others. There is no need to be kidnapped by tools in turn. I rarely even think of the five letters of this model deliberately now. It is more like a small switch installed in my brain. Sometimes when I get into a dead end, there is a ding in my head, oh, did I look at things through the wrong filter again? That's enough.