Self-healing methods

Just find a personalized plan that matches your current emotional state and personality traits and has the lowest cost of action. There is no need to pursue "correct" or "advanced".

Speaking of which, I had no real idea of ​​this conclusion before. I didn't understand it until I worked on projects for three months in the past two years and my mood was so bad that I couldn't help but lose my temper even on the phone with my family. At that time, a friend who was doing psychological counseling recommended to me several healing methods that were popular all over the Internet, such as free writing and 10 minutes of mindfulness meditation. I sat at the desk and wrote three lines before tearing up the notebook in boredom. During the ten minutes of mindfulness with my eyes closed, my mind was filled with unread work news. After finishing it, I became even more anxious.

Interestingly, counselors from different schools actually have very different priorities in self-healing. Most psychoanalytic counselors recommend emotional regression methods, such as empty chair conversations and free writing. The core is to dig out the unfinished emotions that are suppressed in the subconscious. For example, if you always feel angry for no reason because your partner comes home late, it may not be how serious the matter is at the moment. It is probably that the memory of being left alone at home by your parents as a child has been triggered. If you shout out the unspoken grievances in the past to the empty chair, the air that is blocked in the chest will be inexplicably released. However, counselors from the cognitive behavioral school often feel that there is no need to dig so deep. If you are already on the verge of emotional collapse, it is more useful to do the "5-4-3-2-1 sensory grounding method" for 5 minutes first: touch a cold stainless steel water bottle, smell the orange peel at hand, and count three blue objects in front of you. It will first bring you back to reality from the emotional whirlpool. It is not too late to talk about old things until your emotions have stabilized. There is no right or wrong between the two methods, they are just applicable to different scenarios.

I have also seen many people debate whether relying on external stimulation such as consumption and eating to heal is escape. Some people even scold people who use this method as being "unwilling to explore inwardly." In fact, it is completely unnecessary. Therapists with an existential orientation strongly support this kind of "short-term happiness buffer". As long as it is not addictive and will cause subsequent harm (such as vomiting after overeating, maxing out credit cards to buy luxury goods), buying a cup of milk tea that you have been thinking about for a long time, unpacking a courier that you have saved up for a week, or even squatting on the roadside watching others walk a chubby corgi for half an hour, are all completely effective methods of healing. Last time, my best friend was scolded by the boss in public and squatted down in the company stairwell to cry. I didn't explain it to her, so I handed her a bottle of iced Coke and asked her to take two bites of the ice. She chewed the ice for two minutes, and with tears still hanging on her face, she laughed. She said the ice made her teeth numb, and she forgot why she was angry just now. It was much more useful than me arguing with her for half an hour that "the boss is not targeting you." Originally, healing is not a serious matter that requires "rebirth". We need to get over the current hardship first before talking about anything else.

Another pitfall that many people fall into is forcing themselves to be "positive". Even though they are already feeling extremely uncomfortable, they still force themselves to shout "I'm great, I have no problem" in front of the mirror, which only blocks their emotions even more tightly. The humanistic point of view is actually that allowing emotions to exist is healing in itself. If you just don’t want to move today and just want to sit on the sofa and watch a sweet pet drama that is not nutritious all afternoon, then watch it. There is no need to scold yourself for "wasting time" and "not motivated enough." The few hours you allow yourself to lie down are much more useful than the 10 times of "positive energy exercises" you insist on doing. I once had a client who always said that she "can't heal." Later, she discovered that she could calm down by squatting in the bathroom and combing the cat's hair for half an hour. This method is not "academic" at all, but it was the most effective for her.

The healing methods I use now are not very "professional" to say the least. I carry a cool mint candy with me and a soft cat stress ball. When I get irritable during a meeting or change my plan to the point where I want to throw the computer, I just hold the candy in the ball for two minutes and I feel relieved immediately. To be honest, I have also bought singing bowl healing classes that cost hundreds of dollars a session, and tried the forest healing camp recommended by a friend, but it was not as useful to me as the two-dollar mints.

In fact, self-healing is not a "homework" that requires you to spend a lot of money and a lot of time to do it. It is more like an umbrella you take when you go out. When it rains, just hold it on. It doesn't matter whether the umbrella is a transparent umbrella that costs ten yuan or a brand-name umbrella that costs several hundred yuan. An umbrella that can protect you from the rain is a good umbrella. You know how to coax your own emotions best, right?