Mental Health Speech Notes

Good afternoon everyone.

Recently, whether I am sitting in a community consultation room or browsing social media platforms, the question I am asked the most is: “How do ordinary people consider themselves mentally healthy? I usually feel emo and sometimes I am so anxious that I can’t sleep. Is there something wrong? ”

Today I will put the answer at the forefront: there is no absolutely "perfect" mental health state. Rather than forcing yourself to be a "perfect person with always positive emotions", learning to coexist with negative emotions and leaving enough room for psychological flexibility is the most cost-effective mental health protection plan.

It's really that simple. I have been working as a grassroots psychological service provider for 4 years and have seen hundreds of consultation cases. I have never seen anyone who has never had an emotional episode or gone through an emotional trough. The so-called "health" is never zero problems, but your ability to deal with these problems, or even allow these problems to exist for a while.

Let me give you some objective data first. The 2023 National Mental Health Report from the Institute of Psychology, Chinese Academy of Sciences shows that the detection rate of depression among 14-35 year olds is 14.8%, but nearly 60% of them are mild emotional distress, which can be alleviated by timely adjustment, and are not at the level that requires clinical intervention. I just received a girl who was a sophomore in high school last month. She hid in the toilet and slapped herself when she failed in the exam. Both her class teacher and her parents thought she had "poor ability to withstand stress." It took us three conversations to find out the root cause: Her mother would tell her every time we had a quarrel, "If it wasn't for you, I would have divorced your dad a long time ago." She subconsciously felt that "if I wasn't good enough, I would be sorry for my mother's sacrifice." Those attacks on herself were essentially because she was afraid that she would become a "sinner."

You see, many times what we think of as "psychological problems" is not at all "you are too fragile". There are often unseen needs hidden behind it.

Oh, by the way, I have to clarify a misunderstanding first. Many people think that "if I haven't reached the level of depression, I don't need to pay attention to my mental health." This is really not the case. Just like you don't need to go to the hospital when you catch a cold, but you will take the initiative to drink more hot water and put on extra clothes, right? The same goes for psychological problems. Occasional anxiety and inexplicable depression are the "cold signals" sent to you by your psychology. If you ignore it, it will easily become a big problem. I once met a programmer from a major Internet company who slept less than 5 hours a day for three months in a row while working on projects. He said, "My body can handle it, but I have been forgetting things recently." However, on the day the project was launched, he stared at the screen and suddenly collapsed. Sitting at his workstation, he couldn't stop crying. He didn't even know why he was crying - just like if you stuff things into your suitcase every day, it seems to be zippered well, but one day you stuff an extra small keychain, and everything explodes with a crash.

Nowadays, there are many ways to adjust your mental state on the Internet, and I won’t tell you which one is absolutely correct. After all, different schools of thought have different views, and the one that suits you is the best. If you usually like to think about your own thoughts, the psychoanalytic "writing therapy" is very useful. If you have nothing to do, take a notebook and write down the random thoughts in your mind. You don't have to worry about whether the logic is fluent or not. As you write, you will know what is bothering you. ； If you value problem-solving character more and cognitive behavioral methods are more practical, next time the thought "I can't do anything well" comes up, don't deny yourself in a hurry. Just list 3 small things you have accomplished this week, even if it is "getting up on time" or "changing the cat's litter". ； If you usually like to save small happiness, you can try the "Three Good Things Check-in" mentioned by positive psychology. Write down 3 small things of happiness for the day every day before going to bed. If you stick to it for two weeks, you will feel the changes.

Oh, yes, there is another controversial statement, which is the popular saying "Emotions should be vented in time, don't hold them back". When I attended an industry seminar last year, many senior consultants also expressed different opinions: Uncontrolled venting, such as throwing things and losing your temper at relatives and friends, will strengthen your anger neural pathways, making it easier for you to lose control next time you encounter similar things. So there really is no need to set a standard answer. If you think crying is useful, just cry. If you think running three laps is useful, just run. If you think listening to music for half an hour is useful, just stay quietly. Whatever makes you feel comfortable.

To be honest, I also encountered pitfalls when I first entered the industry. At that time, I pushed myself to "be professional and positive" every day. Once I worked on a project for a week and couldn't help crying when I called my mother. After hanging up the phone, I scolded myself for being so unprofessional. Later, my supervisor said to me: "Counselors are also human beings. You are not even allowed to have your own emotions. How can you help others accept their emotions?" ”Since then, I rarely force myself to "must be happy". Last week, my consultation schedule was full, and I was almost fried when I got off work. I passed by a stall selling hand cakes downstairs, bought one with double eggs and sausage, squatted on the roadside and ate it, and all the bad emotions were gone.

Today, I don’t ask you to buy any psychological books or sign up for growth courses after listening to the speech. It’s not necessary. If you feel like crying next time after listening to this, don’t scold yourself for being so useless as your first reaction. Just cry peacefully for 10 minutes. ； If you happen to pass by your favorite food stall, don't think "I can't eat it if I want to lose weight", just buy one to satisfy your craving, and think of it as the happiness of saving a few dollars in your mental account. Then today's speech is worth it.

Thank you all.