The functions of psychological counseling include

The core functions of psychological counseling can be summarized into three core categories: emotional accommodation and relief, cognitive loosening and reconstruction, and social function repair and improvement. In addition, different schools of counseling work will also extend to personalized functional directions such as personality integration and meaning exploration. There is no unified standard framework.

I met a 28-year-old Internet operation girl in my second year in the consulting room. When she first came in, she rushed in crying with her handbag in her arms. She worked overtime until 12 o'clock every day for three months in a row, and did not dare to mention her resignation. Her parents said that she was "too pretentious to bear this little hardship", and her friends would only advise "just leave if you don't want to do it, why are you so bothered". She held it in until she cried with her eyes open at three o'clock in the morning every day, feeling that she was a complete loser. In the first four consultations, I hardly mentioned any decent "professional content". I just reserved 50 minutes of space for her every week. She came in and scolded her boss, scolded her colleagues, complained about her parents, cried until she had used half the box of tissue paper, and then she stopped and asked me, "Am I particularly useless?" I followed her words, "It's already difficult for you to carry on for three months and even break down in unattended places."

This is actually the most basic emotion-containing function. Different schools have different interpretations of this function: Psychoanalytically oriented counselors will call this process "making a container". The client throws the emotions that he cannot hold and is afraid of being judged when he expresses them. The counselor can catch them without breaking them or throwing them back.； Humanistic counselors are more willing to say that this is the sense of security brought by unconditional positive attention. You don’t have to worry about being scolded for being petty if you say, “I’m just jealous of my colleague’s promotion.” You don’t have to be afraid of being called unfilial if you say, “I just hate my parents for not understanding me.” Emotions that cannot be expressed in reality are allowed in this space. A previous visitor said, "I cried in the consulting room and went out. I felt that the stone that had been weighing on my chest for half a year was half lighter." In fact, it was because the emotions blocked in the body were finally able to flow.

When she cried for the fourth week, changes came quietly. During the fifth consultation, she scolded her for ten minutes. The boss suddenly stopped, scratched her head and said, "Oh, that's not right. I got a 30% salary increase when I changed jobs last time. Why does my mother always say that I can't do anything for a long time?" ”

You see, this is the moment of cognitive relaxation. Many people think that psychological counseling is about a counselor giving you chicken soup and teaching you how to behave, but this is not the case at all. We will not tell you "you should resign immediately" or "you need to have a fight with your parents". At most, we will accompany you to uncover those "default settings in life" that you have never paid attention to - such as "I must satisfy everyone to be right" and "As long as I refuse others, I am ignorant." These concepts have been instilled since childhood and you think they are natural. Only after we talk to you more will you realize: Oh, it turns out that I can have other ways of living. Different schools have quite different working methods for this part: Cognitive behavioral school (CBT) counselors will be more direct and will work with you to sort out the "automatic negative thoughts" that pop up when encountering problems. They will even give you small homework to let you verify in reality, "If I reject my colleague's request, will the sky really fall?"” ； The counselors of the existential school may not dwell on whether specific ideas are right or wrong. Instead, they will talk with you about "what is the way you want to live." There is no standard answer, and the best one is the one that suits you.

Don’t think that psychological counseling ends when you change your mind. The real changes come in real life. Last week I also received a WeChat message from the operations girl, saying that she resigned last year and is now working as the content person in charge of a small company. She led the team to win the quarterly award last week and gave her parents a new mobile phone. Now her parents will no longer call her pretentious. She herself said that the biggest change is that now when something bad happens, she will not immediately slap herself in the face and scold her, "Why am I so useless?" She will first calm down and think, "What went wrong in this matter?" Can I solve it? Who can I ask for help if I can’t solve it? ”

This is the embodiment of social function restoration - psychological counseling is never about letting you never encounter bad things again, but when you encounter difficulties again, you will not be trapped in emotional internal friction for the first time. You will be able to mobilize your own resources to solve problems, and you can also establish comfortable relationships with the people around you, without having to either please or quarrel. Speaking of this, I remembered that there has always been a small controversy in the industry: some consultants insist that "recovery of social functions is the core indicator of effective consultation," but many colleagues feel that there is no need to apply unified standards to everyone - after all, some people who do consultation just want to find a place to hide, and do not want to force themselves to "get better". As long as they can be responsible for their own choices and do not harm other people, it is completely fine. For example, counselors with a transpersonal orientation will even accompany visitors to explore more metaphysical topics such as spirituality and life and death. Originally, the service targets of psychological counseling are living people, and they are not standardized products. Of course, the functions can be adjusted as needed.

When I talk to friends around me about science, I always say, don’t think of psychological counseling as too mysterious, and don’t stigmatize it. To put it bluntly, it is a place for spiritual maintenance. If you drive your car for 5,000 kilometers, you need to change the engine oil and clear out the carbon deposits. There are so many troubles in the human heart. Find a safe place to dump it, check and loosen the parts that are too tight. It is normal.

A girl who had done 12 consultations said to me at the end, "I thought at first you were here to be my life coach and teach me how to choose a path. Unexpectedly, you just squatted next to the door and handed me a flashlight. I found the door myself and pushed it open myself." I almost shed tears after listening to it. To be honest, all the functions we talked about were not given by the consultant in the end. They are what you already have. We just help you sweep away the dust in front of you.