How to comfort anxiety

When a person is anxious, what he needs most is the comfort of those around him. To comfort an anxious patient, we must first be a listener, respect the other person's inner feelings, and empathize with the other person.

be a listener

Of course, being a listener does not mean that you remain silent from beginning to end. In order to achieve the purpose of comfort, we should first listen carefully and carefully to what the other person is saying, and what kind of meaning is expressed inside and outside the words. In fact, many times, we only focus on expressing our own opinions and ignore the deeper meaning of the other party's words. This seems to be undesirable.

Listening is not just with our ears, it also requires us to use our eyes to "observe" and use our hearts to "understand", but it does not require us to ask the cause and effect of things, because this may touch the privacy of the other party. In fact, sometimes, when we give the other person the opportunity to express and vent, it can be better than the comfort we give the other person in words.

Respect each other’s feelings

When comforting an anxious person, don't consider yourself an "educator" and don't always say things like "You should feel..." or "You shouldn't feel...". You know, everyone has self-awareness. He knows his inner feelings very well, and sometimes he doesn't need you to control them. When we go to comfort others, we are not there to educate them or help them make judgments. To comfort, we must first respect the other person's inner feelings and identify with him. We cannot express our care in terms of "should" or "should not".

empathize with the other person

The effect of comforting an anxious person face to face is closely related to the true state of our hearts. If we "mean what we say" and say comforting words while thinking about our own good things, then it is impossible to express sincerity in comfort. On the contrary, if we can empathize with what the other person is going through, then we can understand their inner pain and find the most appropriate words. Even at the same time, our hearts will feel a dull pain because of this. This kind of empathetic expression and comfort is actually the best language for the person being comforted.

In addition, we need to remind you, the kind-hearted person, that when we comfort anxious people, we should not assume a savior posture, and do not infinitely exaggerate your sympathy and compassion. This may hurt the other person's self-esteem and make the other person feel very uncomfortable.

On the other hand, we need to realize that we are just accompanying or helping the other person through the painful period, and we do not necessarily have to pull him/her out of the pain quickly. Objectively speaking, everyone needs to bear corresponding responsibility for their actions. Perhaps they can learn lessons more deeply through this pain.

Therefore, what we have to do is to first recognize their pain, and then help them vent it. In this process, we only need to let the other party understand your feelings! If his/her anxiety has reached a severe level, the best way is to seek help from a psychiatrist.

References

[1] Han Xiuhui. Laws of Communication[M]. Shenyang: Shenyang Publishing House, 2018.05:192.

[2] Ilse Sander. Empathic communication. The core mystery of understanding and influencing others [M]. Chengdu: Tiandi Publishing House, 2020.01:407.