Tips for self-healing

Self-healing that is most suitable for ordinary people is never about forcing yourself to sign up for psychology classes or forcing yourself to "get better quickly", but a few "micro-movements" that can be completed in 5 minutes without spending a penny. There is no unified standard, and the comfort you use is better than anything else.

I have been doing front-line psychological counseling for 6 years, and I have seen too many people turn "self-healing" into a new source of internal friction: they have saved hundreds of gigabytes of emotion management courses but have not opened them, and made a healing list of "exercise three times a week and travel once a month." If they cannot complete it, they call themselves "useless", which completely contradicts the essence of healing.

Last week, I met a girl who worked in Internet operations. She was laid off and broke up. She squatted at the exit of the subway station and cried until she couldn't breathe. She couldn't even answer my consultation phone call. I asked her to check if she had any gadgets in her pocket. She dug out half a mint candy, took one out and stuffed it into her mouth. Within half a minute, she sent me a message saying, "I felt like the sky was about to fall just now. Now my mouth feels cold and I feel like I can breathe again." In fact, this method is to put it bluntly, it is the "grounding technique" often mentioned by the cognitive behavioral school. There is no need to remember the rigid rules of "find 5 visual elements and 4 tactile elements". Just bring a small object with clear sensory stimulation with you: frosted lip balm, textured lip balm Walnuts or lemon candies that are so sour that you can frown. When you feel uncomfortable, touch and taste it. The moment you feel the taste, your attention will be brought back to the present moment from the endless loop of "Why am I so unlucky". It is much more effective than reading 10 articles on "How to get out of the trough".

Of course, many colleagues do not agree with this approach of "interrupting emotions", especially psychoanalytic counselors. They often say that it is better to let go of blocked emotions and rely on external forces to bring them back to the present. On the contrary, it is easy to push negative emotions into the subconscious, and sooner or later something will happen. Don't tell me, this statement really makes sense. I once had a visitor who was taught that "you are not allowed to cry" since she was a child. She suppressed all the grievances she suffered at work, and ended up suffering from a panic disorder for two years. Later, she found an even wilder trick: she kept a clean old plush doll at home. When she got angry, she would close the door and scold the doll for 10 minutes, with continuous scolding and beating. When she was tired, she would sit on the floor and drink a glass of iced Coke. After half a year, her anxiety level had dropped by more than half. I also have friends who do drama therapy, and they are even better at playing. Occasionally, poorly organized clients will "make trouble" in an empty room. Whoever yells loudly, throws pillows hard, and gives out orange candies as prizes. It looks crazy, but it is much more effective than sitting there trying to reason.

Let me tell you a little trick that I have secretly kept, which may not be obvious to the public: I like to collect "happy garbage". Cup stickers for the particularly delicious milk tea, ticket stubs for going to live houses, and even the last time I went to the supermarket, the cashier girl gave me an extra shopping bag with strawberries printed on it. I folded them all and put them in the iron box in the drawer. One day when I was working overtime and my mentality collapsed, I turned it out and looked at it one by one. I couldn't help but laugh. Oh, it turns out that I have encountered so many interesting little things before, and I didn't feel that the obstacle in front of me was insurmountable. Some colleagues in the past said that my method is too "childish" and not as professional as mindfulness meditation. But I have used it myself for five or six years, and it works every time. It doesn't matter if it's professional or not, it just works, right?

There are a lot of controversies about "self-healing" on the Internet now. Some people say that healing requires "walking up", learning, fitness, and social expansion. Others say that "lying down is the best healing." I think there is really no need to shoot to death. If you are in good condition and have some energy left, it will certainly be comfortable to run a couple of laps to get sweaty and have a hot pot meal with friends. But if you can't even think of going to bed now, don't force yourself to be "self-disciplined." Lying on the bed watching old cartoons and nibbling three boxes of ice cream all day, as long as you don't blame yourself for "wasting time", that is the best healing. Really, too many people have made healing a new KPI. If they fail to complete it, they will become more anxious. Why bother?

In fact, at the end of the day, there are no "standard tips" for self-healing. You don't need to know any complicated psychological techniques, nor do you need to spend much money. As long as you are willing to take more care of your own feelings and make yourself comfortable, even if you drank an extra cup of warm brown sugar water today and blew a gust of osmanthus-scented wind, you are healing yourself.