self healing books

Qualified self-healing books are effective tools for low-cost psychological self-help for ordinary people. They are neither a "magic medicine" that can cure all emotional problems, nor are they worthless "chicken soup garbage." The effectiveness depends entirely on the logic of book selection, reading methods, and the reader's own acceptance state.

Last year, when I was unemployed for the third month, I was so anxious that I would stare at the ceiling every day and count my heartbeats. When I was browsing Douban's "Emotional Self-Help Group", I picked up a copy of "The Courage to Be Disliked" and almost threw it away after turning the first two pages - what is "separation of topics"? Isn't this just standing and talking without back pain? Until one day, I dug out the chat logs I had with my boss and checked out the judgment criteria in the book one by one: "Requiring you to work overtime for free is his management problem", "30% of the project's failure to meet the standards is due to insufficient early-stage resources", "His personal attacks on you have nothing to do with your ability." Halfway through, I suddenly broke down and cried. I had carried the guilt of "I was targeted because of my poor ability" for almost half a year. It turned out that half of it was rubbish forced on me by others.

In fact, I am not the only one who feels this way. Regarding the controversy over self-healing books, the psychology circle has been arguing for almost ten years without reaching a unified conclusion. Most scholars who do evidence-based psychological research have a positive attitude. A 2022 tracking study by the American Psychological Association shows that self-help books written by registered clinical psychologists and clearly supported by CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy), ACT (acceptance and commitment therapy) and other theories can improve the mood of patients with mild anxiety and depression. The rate reaches 62%, and the effect is basically the same as 8 short-term public welfare consultations. For ordinary people who do not have the conditions for long-term consultation, or who only encounter short-term emotional stucks, the price-performance ratio is indeed very high. However, many counselors working in the field of psychodynamics have concerns: many best-selling self-healing books place too much emphasis on "quick change" and "getting better immediately" and deliberately avoid the deep trauma behind the emotions. Instead, they will add new pressure on readers to "I should get out after reading the book." - I once had a friend who read three best-selling books in a row that claimed to "stop internal friction". Instead, he became more anxious because he could not "completely let go of the past" as mentioned in the book. In the end, he had to undergo long-term consultation for half a year before he slowly recovered.

To be honest, self-healing books are not meant for everyone. If you have just recently encountered a specific emotional stuck point: you just broke up and can’t get over it, you and your parents always quarrel because of the sense of boundaries, you are trapped in self-doubt due to PUA in the workplace, and you don’t have somatic symptoms such as insomnia for two consecutive weeks, sudden weight gain and loss, and loss of interest in all the things you like, then finding a reliable book on the corresponding topic is much more useful than asking your friends to complain eight times. A reader left a message for me before, saying that she and her mother used to argue every time they talked, and she was so angry that she cried until she couldn't breathe. I recommended "Nonviolent Communication" to her. She followed the template in the book and changed the "You never understand me" on her lips to "I didn't go home until ten o'clock today. I was very tired. When you opened the door and urged me to get married, I felt particularly wronged." That was the first time she sat down and chatted quietly with her mother for half an hour without blushing.

But if you have been diagnosed with moderate to severe depression or anxiety in the hospital, or even have a tendency to self-harm, do not take self-healing books as medicine. I have seen too many people who are afraid of spending money or being called "hypocritical" and refuse to go to the hospital. They rely on a few books to cure the disease. In the end, they delay the best time for intervention. At this time, books are at best an auxiliary supplement after you complete the consultation and take medicine, and they absolutely cannot replace professional treatment.

I have been through a lot of pitfalls myself. Now when I choose a self-healing book, I usually read the author's introduction first: If the author is some kind of "emotional coach" or "life winner", but does not even have the qualifications of a registered psychologist, and the title contains words such as "fixed in three days", "must read" and "perfect", I will directly put it back on the bookshelf. Nine times out of ten, it is packaged pseudo-psychology chicken soup. When reading, don’t force yourself to fully accept the views in the book. I read a book on mindfulness before, which said “to fully accept all your negative emotions.” At that time, I was so annoyed because I lost my new computer that I wrote four big words in the margin of the book: “Accept this shit.” It’s funny when I turn to that page now. The core of self-healing is to allow yourself to have any emotions. How can I be a “perfect recoverer” according to the standards in the book?

Last week I went to Sanlian Bookstore and saw a high school student with a high ponytail squatting on the bottom shelf of the psychology bookshelf, flipping through "Mr. Toad Goes to a Psychologist" in her hand. Her fingertips were still stained with bits of milk tea pearls, and her tears fell on the pages of the book. She didn't find a tissue to wipe them with, so she wiped them with the back of her hand and continued to scroll down. I didn't go up to talk to her. I knew she might have suffered some grievance at school recently and didn't want to tell her parents. She couldn't find a suitable friend to talk to. The book in her hand was the only outlet she could find at the moment without having to trouble others.