A complete volume of mental health for sixth graders

The core teaching goal of "Mental Health for Sixth Graders" is never to let children memorize "emotional regulation methods", but to help this group of 11-12-year-old children who are standing at the door of adolescence to catch all the little emotions that are compounded by the pressure of entering junior high school, confusion about self-identity, and social conflicts with peers. They are allowed to be "not good" and "useless", and there is no need to rush to become "qualified junior high school students."

I worked as a resident psychologist in a district primary school for four years, and the most contact I had with children in the sixth grade. I met a little boy who was the class monitor last month and was re-elected from the third grade. He suddenly wanted to resign this semester. The class teacher tried to persuade him three times to no avail. Finally, he hid in my office and cried. He said, "Last week, I shouted three times to organize a general cleaning, but no one moved. Everyone used to listen to me, but now they all follow the boy who can skateboard. I feel very useless."

If you use the method of the positive psychology school, you will most likely ask him to list "what have you accomplished since you became the squad leader": At the last sports meeting, you coordinated everyone to apply for projects, and our class won the second place in the overall team score.； Last time a classmate had a fever, you took the initiative to send him to the infirmary and helped him make up for the week's notes - you see you are obviously very good, everyone is just attracted by new things recently. But if you change to a psychoanalytic counselor, you may not be eager to find his advantages. Instead, he will hand him a tissue and wait until he has cried enough and ask, "Is it because when everyone doesn't listen to you, do you feel that all the good things you did before have been negated?" ”, in fact, what he wants is not the affirmation that "you are great" at all, but that someone can see the grievances he has been accumulating for almost half a month. There is no absolutely correct method. The key is that you have to squat down and look at the problem from the same height as him.

When I entered the classroom last Wednesday, I saw two boys in the last row huddled together to grab Ultraman cards. Another teacher might have criticized him first, saying, "You're playing with this when you're about to be promoted to junior high school." I didn't say that, so I leaned over and took a look: "Oh, is this Zero's signature card? My nephew said that this one is out of print now, and I have to save up my pocket money for three months to get it? ”The two children were instantly relieved. The one who grabbed the card scratched his head and said, "I just wanted to borrow it for two days to play with, but he was stingy and refused to give it to me." You see, there is no principled conflict at all. As long as you can catch the "little things" they care about, communication is not difficult at all.

Many parents and even teachers think that when children in sixth grade become emotional, it is because they are under high pressure when they enter junior high school. In fact, this is not necessarily the case. A while ago, there was a girl who kept complaining about headaches. She went to the hospital three times and couldn't find anything wrong. Finally, she told me after talking to me that she heard her parents secretly discussing divorce last week. She thought she didn't know. She didn't dare to ask or tell. After holding it in for a long time, it turned into a headache - this is In psychology, it is called somatization. Children are not yet able to express their emotions accurately. If they are blocked for a long time, they will become physically uncomfortable. If you come up and say, "You are just too nervous, adjust your mentality," it will suppress the last thing he wants to say.

Oh, by the way, there is another very interesting misunderstanding. Many schools feel that the sixth grade academics are tight, so they change psychology classes to Chinese and mathematics classes. There are also many principals who insist that there must be two psychology classes per week. The two sides have been arguing for many years with no conclusion. My own practical experience is that even if you only set aside 20 minutes a week, without any knowledge points, and just let everyone chat about "what unpleasant things happened to you recently", it is better than taking full advantage of it. Last time, a child secretly slipped me a small note, saying that the weekly psychology class was the only class where he didn't have to memorize knowledge points or be afraid of being asked, and he felt comfortable even sitting in a daze.

When I give lectures to parents, I never say something as vague as "you should pay more attention to your children's mental health." Instead, I give three small requirements that can be implemented directly: First, when you get home every day, don't ask about your grades first. Ask first, "Is there anything fun you did today?"”； Second, when your child complains about a teacher or classmate, don’t reason first. Instead, scold him with “This is too much.” Wait until he gets over it before saying anything else. ； Third, don’t talk about “getting promoted to a junior high school” as a curse. The more you mention it, the more anxious he will become. Don't tell me, several parents who followed this method last month came back to me this week and told me that their children were finally willing to take the initiative to talk to them about school. In the past, they would close the door as soon as they came home and would not respond to any calls.

In fact, there is no standardized "all-in-one" lesson plan. Children in sixth grade are all different. Some are still saving Ultraman cards, some have secretly written down their affection for a certain boy in their diaries, some feel that the sky will fall if they can't pass the key points in junior high school, and some still think about petting stray cats in the school after school every day. There is never a standard answer in mental health classes. You don't have to force him to be a "good boy with stable emotions." It's enough to be able to catch his weirdness and make him feel that "I won't be scolded for anything I say."