Psychological Counseling TA

TA (Transactional Analysis) is a school of psychological counseling and therapy founded by psychologist Eric Byrne that focuses on the dismantling of interpersonal interaction patterns. Its core value is to transform vague emotions and relationship conflicts into identifiable and adjustable specific behaviors. Even ordinary people with no psychological foundation can quickly use it to solve practical problems in daily communication and relationships. It is a rare psychological technology that is "both suitable for clinical consultation and can be used as a life tool."

The visitor I picked up last month, Xiao Zhou, is a typical beneficiary. He works in Internet products for 5 years and has top-notch abilities. However, communication with cross-department colleagues always gets stuck. Last time, she just mentioned that the loading speed of the development page was two seconds slow. The other party threw the cup on the spot and said, "You can do it." She was so aggrieved and said that what I said was obviously the truth. Why was he angry? When I break it down with TA, it is very clear: Xiao Zhou's expression and tone when she said that sentence were copied from her former executive father's state of criticizing her. It seemed that he was talking about work, but in fact, he unconsciously activated his "parent self" and stood in the position of a judge to make mistakes. The other party felt that he was being criticized and immediately activated his rebellious "child self" to retaliate. This is a typical "cross-communication" and they are not talking on the same channel at all.

When many people first come into contact with someone, they always feel that the setting of three self-states is too trivial. To put it bluntly, everyone automatically switches between three identities when communicating: either the "parent self" who follows the rules taught by your elders and society since childhood, loves to judge and make demands, or the "parent self" who loves to talk about things. The "adult self" that only solves problems without emotions, or the "child self" that follows instinctive feelings, gets angry and acts coquettishly. There is no distinction between superiority and inferiority. It's just that different states are comfortable in different situations - when you and your friends are complaining about your boss, you still use your adult self to calculate the pros and cons. That's too tiring, right?

Of course, not all counselors recognize his or her value. When I attended an industry salon before, a senior psychoanalyst said that he or she was "just scratching the surface" and could only change the superficial communication model without digging into the root of the trauma in his early years, so he could not solve the deep-seated problems.； There are also counselor friends who are people-oriented and feel that their framework is too rigid and can easily limit the emotional expression of clients, but is not supportive enough. These statements are all reasonable. When I first started to learn TA, I also made the mistake of applying mechanically. Once, a client cried and said that no one wanted her when her parents divorced. I subconsciously wanted to analyze what kind of self-state she was in now, but I didn't realize until the words came to my mouth. What she needs most now is to be seen, not to be analyzed.

After using it a lot, I figured out the trick. It never lets you hold the frame to cover everyone. It is more like a small screwdriver in your bag. If you have a small problem, you can just twist it twice by yourself. If you encounter a big problem, you still have to use other tools. For example, I had a client who encountered PUA before. In the early stage, I used TA to help her identify the "psychological games" that the other party repeatedly played in communication - for example, every time the other party suppressed her and then gave her a candy, the essence was to repeatedly switch between "critical parent self" and "pleasing child self", confusing her self-perception. When she can identify these routines and no longer be led away by the other party, we can do deeper trauma repair. The effect is much better than digging up the trauma at the beginning.

Oh, by the way, if you want to try using TA on your own, you don’t need to memorize so many theories. Next time you have an argument with someone, stop for a second and ask yourself, “Am I talking about things as they are, or am I trying to get angry over old scores, or am I trying to bully people with my reasoning? 」, just this small action can avoid 80% of ineffective quarrels. I had quarreled with my mother countless times about buying health products for her, and every time I couldn't help but say, "Can you please stop believing these liars? It's useless no matter how many times I tell you." It's a typical parent's self-preaching. My mother exploded every time and said, "It's none of your business that I spend my own money." Later I learned my lesson. Last time she brought back a bunch of health products, and I said, "Mom, you bought them all. I will check the ingredients for you to see if there is any problem. If there is no problem, can you eat it again?" 」, she softened on the spot, handed me an orange, and said, "I just saw that people said this is good for the waist. Didn't you say last time that your back hurts after sitting for a long time? I bought you two boxes." You see, she adjusted the communication status, and the situation that was about to explode immediately went smoothly.

To put it bluntly, TA itself does not have such a high-end aura. It is a theory that Bourne accumulated when he was observing people chatting in a cafe. In essence, it helps you break down the vague confusions such as "Why am I always unhappy" and "Why am I always having bad relationships" into small and tangible problems that can be solved one by one. As for whether it is the most scientific therapy and whether it meets the standards of all schools, it is really not that important - if it works for you, it is a good thing.