The ten most classic sentences for self-healing

Over the years of doing psychological counseling, the question I have been asked most often is “Is there anything I can say to help myself quickly? ”, after all, there are times when everyone is stuck in an emotional quagmire and can’t climb out. It’s too laborious to flip through a thick healing book, and all you get when you take out your phone to browse are useless chicken soup.

I have compiled 10 sentences that I have used countless times both for myself and for clients over the past 8 years and have been personally tested to be useful. I will give them to you directly. If you find them useful, you can save them in a memo and take them out and read them twice the next time you feel depressed:

1. There’s nothing right or wrong about how you feel, it’s just telling you “You need to be seen.”」

2. There is no need to force yourself to "forgive". "Forget it" is already the greatest tolerance for yourself.

3. Even if you do nothing, your existence itself has value

4. You are not responsible for other people’s emotions. How others treat you is their problem.

5. Allow yourself to cry until you are deprived of oxygen, and allow yourself to turn around and forget all about the bad things.

6. It’s not that you’re not good enough, it’s that some questions have no answers.

7. You can say "no" to everyone, even if the other person is your parents or lover

8. It’s useless to regret what has already happened. All you can grasp now is the next minute.

9. Don’t wait until you’re ready to start. You’ll be ready when you start.

10. Healing is never about “clearing the past”, but about being able to live your life the way you want despite the scars.

Let’s talk about the most controversial sentence first: “You don’t have to force yourself to forgive.” Last month, a girl in 1995 came to me and said that when she was a child, her cousin stole a comic book that she had saved up for half a year to buy. Then he tore off the book covers and sold them as scraps. Now when we meet during the Chinese New Year, he still laughs at her about it.

I sent this sentence directly to her at that time. In fact, there are always different voices in the industry regarding trauma repair: The psychoanalytic school will promote "reconciliation with the past" and encourage you to understand the other person's situation and ultimately achieve forgiveness. ； But cognitive behavioral therapy always believes that emotions have the highest priority - you can't even understand the grievances you have been holding back for more than ten years, so why should you consider the problem from the other person's perspective first? Many people say that "forgiving others means letting yourself go", but I have seen too many people forcing themselves to