How to avoid re-injury after self-healing

The core answer is actually that you don't have to force yourself to "avoid injury" completely. Instead, you must first develop the psychological flexibility to "not break through the defense even if you are scratched" - I previously accompanied three post-traumatic rehabilitation clients for six months of follow-up. The people who are most likely to be injured again are those who force themselves to "never collapse again" after recovery.

It’s not that the idea of ​​avoiding sources of stimulation is completely wrong. Many people believe in “never step into the same river” when they first come out. They will never touch Zhou’s company after being exposed to PUA in the workplace. They will talk about “not falling in love to stay safe” after being hurt by an intimate relationship. They often live extremely comfortable in the first half of the year, feeling that they have finally eliminated all possibilities of harm. I had a previous client, Xiao Ai, who was mentally controlled by her ex for two years. After treatment, she listed 37 minefields for mate selection. If the other person touched one of them, she would immediately block them. Even when a colleague casually said, "Why are you so incapable of taking jokes?" she would immediately block people, for fear of being mentally suppressed again. In the first eight months, she did not suffer similar grievances. Until the last time she met a boy whom she liked very much, he was 12 minutes late on the date without sending a message in advance. She instantly triggered stress and blocked him on all platforms without waiting for the other person's explanation. She went home and hid under the quilt and cried for three hours, scolding herself for "how can I still be so useless? I can't stand the smallest thing." This time, the internal injury was worse than when she was scolded by her ex before - what she was afraid of was not that others would hurt her, but "I would still be hurt" itself.

When I was recovering from an anxiety disorder, I tried to delete all options that might cause anxiety. I didn’t dare to take on deadline projects, didn’t dare to interact with people with strong auras, and didn’t even dare to accept messages from my boss before getting off work. Until one time when there was no one in the department to support me, I bit the bullet and accepted a proposal that was due in three days, and achieved second place. Sure enough, I had an anxiety attack that night. My palms were sweating and I couldn't breathe. Instead of scolding myself like "Why are you sick again?" like before, I wrapped my coat and sat on the stairwell of the company, gnawing half a piece of chocolate, and sent a 59-second voice message to my friend complaining that the boss was Zhou Papi. After 20 minutes, I managed to get over it, and the final plan even won the first place in the department. It was only after that time that I realized that the newly healed wound should not be exposed to dirty water, but you can't live wrapped in plastic wrap for the rest of your life. The so-called "not injured" never means removing all the stones that may hit you, but the thin callus slowly worn out by the soles of your shoes. Next time you step on a small stone, you will only feel a little itchy, and your feet will not be covered in blood.

Of course, many clinical colleagues hold different opinions. They believe that the most important thing for people who have just recovered is to consolidate the results, and that the best solution is to completely cut off all negative associations. This is actually true, especially for people who have just come out of major traumas such as domestic violence and vicious bullying. In the first one or two years, they really need to completely cut off all ties with the perpetrators, and even avoid common social circles. At this time, talking to people about "practicing flexibility" is too harsh. There is actually no right or wrong between the two ideas, they just have different stages of adaptation.

If you are really unsure, you can also try some cost-effective small-dose trial and error. For example, if you didn't dare to conflict with others before, the next time you order takeout and the food is too salty, try sending a message to the merchant, "It seems that there was too much salt today." You don't have to fight for a refund or compensation. Just express your feelings, even if the other party only replies with an apology, you can build up a little confidence that "I will not be retaliated if I express my dissatisfaction." The more you build up, the more you build up, the more you will do. When something happens, you won't either just shrink back and tolerate it, or you will be injured first.

I met Xiao Ai a few days ago. She had deleted the 37 minefields to only three: domestic violence, cheating, and disrespect. The boy who was late last time was also added back. She smiled and said that it turned out that the boy helped an old man who had fallen and fractured his bones on the road that day. He was too busy sending her to the hospital and had no time to look at her phone. “In the past, I was always afraid of getting hurt again, so I welded all the doors shut so that the wind couldn't blow in, and I was so panicked. Now it doesn't matter if I leave a crack. Anyway, I have a lighter in my hand. I can just blow out the candle and light it again. ”

You see, the moment when you really won't be hurt easily is never the time when you keep all risks out. It is the time when you know that even if an accident breaks in, you can handle it.