What does children’s mental health include?

Children can match the development characteristics of their own age and find a relatively comfortable state of getting along with themselves, others, and the environment they are in, without long-term internal friction or conflict.

Just last week, a fourth-grade boy was dragged over by his mother, saying that he usually threw things when he disagreed. Last time, because his deskmate knocked off his eraser, he threw the entire box of colored pencils downstairs. After chatting for half an hour, I discovered that this child has been taught by his family since he was a child that "men cannot cry, and being emotional is not sensible." When he was 10 years old, he could not even say "I am very angry now" or "I was a little wronged just now." All emotions were stored up and exploded when they reached the critical point. This is actually a problem with the most basic emotional perception and regulation abilities - it does not mean that children cannot have negative emotions, but that they must be able to recognize their current feelings and express them in a way that does not hurt themselves or others. It is definitely unhealthy to always hold back or always let out anger.

The first criterion for many parents to judge is "Is my child's lack of talkability a sign of social fear or psychological problems?" This is not true. Last month, the grandmother of a second-grade girl came for consultation. She said that her granddaughter always didn't get along with others. After class, she would squat by the flower bed and watch snails instead of jumping rubber bands with her classmates. We followed her for three days of observation and found that a classmate came over to talk to her about snails. She could talk to her for more than 20 minutes, and she would immediately ask for her observation notebook back if a classmate snatched it away. She was not cowardly at all. On the contrary, there is another girl who looks particularly "gregarious". Every time she gives out snacks, she gives the best ones to others first. She dares not take any if she wants to. She goes home and secretly cries because she is afraid that her classmates will not play with her. This is a deviation in the social-related mental state. The core is not whether she likes to talk or not, but whether she can neither please nor be overbearing in interpersonal relationships, dare to express her own needs, and accept that others are different from her.

Speaking of this, I have to mention a point that the industry has not yet reached a conclusion on. One group of people believes that children’s mental health has nothing to do with learning ability, as long as the children are happy. The other group believes that age-appropriate cognitive development can help children build self-confidence, which is an important support for mental toughness. Last year, our station picked up a little boy in the first grade. He suffered from sensory integration disorder and his handwriting was always crooked. He did his homework until 11 o'clock every day and was always called on by the teacher. Later, he refused to go to school and vomited whenever he lifted his school bag. Do you think he is simply tired of studying? In fact, it was because he had tried very hard but still couldn't keep up. The constant frustration had completely worn away any confidence he had. So we will also refer to this direction when we intervene now: there is no need to force the child to take the top position, as long as he can keep up with the cognitive rhythm corresponding to his age, be willing to try to learn things he does not know, and will not say "I am too stupid to do anything well" when encountering difficulties. This is also a very important part of mental health.

Another point that is easily overlooked is the ability to adapt to the environment. At the beginning of this semester, we received inquiries from nearly 20 new kindergarten students. Some children happily went to kindergarten after crying for three or four days, while some cried for a whole month, convulsed as soon as they arrived at the entrance of kindergarten, and refused to eat even when they mentioned kindergarten at home. It's not that the child is "hypocritical" or "disobedient", it's that there is a problem with the latter's ability to adapt to the environment and his inability to quickly adjust to new rules. If he cannot adjust for a long time, it will easily lead to more emotional problems.

In fact, when we do science popularization, we always tell parents not to look for standards on the Internet and apply them to children. Every child has a different personality. As long as he is relaxed and happy most of the time, can get over bad things in a couple of days, and is not awkward when dealing with people, he is not far behind. If you are really unsure, ask a professional and don't just label your child as "introverted", "rebellious" or "glass-hearted". That's better than anything else.