Classic sentences for self-healing

The classic sentence that can truly play a role in self-healing is never the standardized chicken soup that dominates the Internet, nor is it a moral kidnapping that requires you to be positive. It is a sentence that just hits your current emotional pain point, catches your unspoken grievances, and even allows you to "not work hard" or "not be sunny".

I have met a girl who works in Internet operations before. When the industry was downsized and she was laid off last year, she set "Everything is the best arrangement" as the lock screen. However, every time she applied for a resume, she would still hide on the balcony of the rental house and cry with her cat until her shoulders were shaking. Until one day when she was browsing social media and saw someone writing, "You don't have to thank the people who hurt you, they shouldn't have come in the first place." She hugged the cat and cried for half an hour on the spot. She changed the lock screen the next day. Instead, she slowly calmed down and revised her resume. Later, she went to a company with better treatment than before. She later told me that the words about chicken soup were like a hard shell on her head, making it hard for her to breathe. On the contrary, the words about allowing her to "hold grudges" made her feel better.

Interestingly, practitioners of different schools of psychology also prefer completely different healing sentences. Counselors who prefer psychoanalysis and Gestalt orientation often say that "your current emotions are messengers of unfinished events in the past." The core of this sentence is to allow you to trace the source without forcing yourself to "get better" immediately. Even if your current anger and grievances seem to be unreasonable, there must be some reason for it. Cognitive-behavioral (CBT) counselors agree that "you are not responsible for your emotions, but you are responsible for your reactions to them." They do not encourage people to indulge in emotions and repeatedly consume themselves internally, but prefer to guide people to focus on actions that can change. The favorite saying of practitioners of humanism is always "Your existence is valuable in itself, and you don't need to rely on any achievements to prove it." This sentence has helped many people who were kidnapped by "excellence" to get out of the self-attack of "I'm not good enough."

Of course, many people think that relying on a few words to heal is purely self-comfort. To put it bluntly, it is the spirit of Ah Q. This view actually has some truth. The 2022 National Mental Health Survey data from the Department of Psychology of Beijing Normal University shows that if you use sentences that are completely contrary to your current emotions to force a hint, it will exacerbate cognitive dissonance. For example, if you are obviously too sad to eat, forcing yourself to say "I am happy and I have no problem" will only make you feel more depressed. But if it is a sentence that just fits your current mood, it can indeed reduce your short-term anxiety level by 37%. It is essentially the same as a friend saying "I understand" to you when you are sad.

I myself worked on a project for half a month last year and only slept three or four hours a day. When I saw the message "You have to be self-disciplined and you have to work hard while you're young" that filled the screen, I felt my temples twitching until I turned to a random blogger's handwritten note, "It doesn't matter if you're tired and you sleep until the sky is dark. The earth will still rotate without you, but without you there is nothing." That day I turned off the alarm clock and slept for 12 hours. When I woke up, my efficiency was twice as high as when I stayed up late.

To put it bluntly, there is no unified "classic" standard for healing sentences. When you are squatting downstairs at the convenience store late at night eating cold steamed buns, those big principles of "you have to be a master" are of no use. Instead, the words "everyone has a difficult road to walk, you have come so far, it is really great", which can make your nose sore and swallow the last bite of steamed buns. When you are blamed by your colleagues and scolded by your boss, the advice "You must learn to be generous" will only make you feel more aggrieved. The words "It is not your fault, don't punish yourself for other people's mistakes" can actually calm you down.

I’ve seen people write the words “None of your business” on the back of their phone cases, and their emotional energy was reduced by 80% in a year.； I’ve also seen people save a memo of what their late grandma said, “Eat your food while it’s hot,” and look at it every time you can’t hold it any longer. There is no high standard for healing. If it can catch your emotions and make your current mood flow smoothly, then this sentence is the most classic self-healing sentence that is exclusive to you.