The basic principles of psychological counseling are

The basic principles of psychological counseling are essentially to focus on the well-being of the client and to achieve a series of professional consensus on "helping others to help themselves" within professional boundaries. There is no absolutely unified implementation standard, and different schools will have differentiated operations, but the core bottom line is basically common to the entire industry.

When I first joined the industry and participated in my first supervision class, the teacher did not talk about theory at the beginning, but first asked a question: "If your client says that he stopped by after the consultation and wants to invite you to go downstairs for a cup of milk tea, will you go?" ”At that time, the new counselors' answers varied. Some said they felt that "it cannot refute the client's face, which is not conducive to establishing a counseling relationship." Others felt that "the boundaries must be maintained and there cannot be a dual relationship." In the end, the supervisor did not give a standard answer, and only said, "You can choose whichever one you want, but the premise is that you have to think clearly. Are you making this choice for the good of the client, or for your own comfort?" ”

Don't tell me, the longer I work in this business, the more I feel that "based on the interests of the visitors" is easy to say, but really difficult to do. For example, I met a high school girl before. After three months of consultation, she finally gradually came out of her depression. At the end of the consultation, she brought a can of cookies she baked to give to me and said, "Thank you, sister, for listening to me during this time." I hesitated for a few seconds. According to the requirements of classic psychoanalysis, I should decline politely and discuss with her the transference dynamics behind the act of "giving gifts to counselors." But I chose to take it that time, opened it, ate a piece on the spot, and told her, "It's delicious. Your craftsmanship is great." Later, when I talked about this matter with my peer supervisors, some felt that I had broken the boundaries, while others felt that for this child who had never been affirmed and had always relied on pleasing others to gain attention, "accepting her feelings calmly and sincerely praising" was much more useful than analyzing her motivations. You see, the bottom layer of the principle is good deeds. There is no standard answer to how to implement it.

Of course, there are basically unified bottom lines across the industry, such as the principle of confidentiality. As long as you enter the consulting room, everything you say will not be said unless it involves you harming yourself or others, or involving minors/people without civil capacity being sexually assaulted or abused. Otherwise, the counselor will not say a word to anyone. Even if your parents or partners ask, we have the right to refuse to answer. I once met a little girl in the second grade of junior high school who cried during the first consultation and said that she had been molested by her stepfather for a long time. I immediately stabilized her emotions, then reported it to the relevant departments according to the procedures, contacted her biological mother, and cooperated with a lot of follow-up work. At this time, adhering to the principle of confidentiality will actually harm the client. This is also a manifestation of "giving priority to good deeds".

Many people have a stereotype about counselors, thinking that we must be like emotionless robots. No matter what the client says, we cannot judge or even express our own thoughts. This statement is actually only half true. The classic school of psychoanalysis does require counselors to be "blank screens" and try not to expose personal information, bring their own values ​​​​into the client's narrative, and avoid interfering with the client's empathetic presentation. But now more and more postmodern schools, such as narrative therapy and solution-focused short-term therapy, will encourage counselors to engage in appropriate self-exposure. When I was doing narrative-oriented cases before, I met a client who said that he failed the postgraduate entrance examination in World War II and felt that he was a complete loser. I told him at the time, "I took the entrance examination back then." It took me two exams to pass the professional qualification certificate test. On the day I found out the results, I cried at home all afternoon and felt that I was not cut out for this." His eyes suddenly lit up at that time and he said, "So you have also experienced this kind of time." After that time, our consultation relationship suddenly became much closer, and subsequent consultations became much smoother.

Another thing you may have heard more often is "not letting the client make decisions", which is often said to be "helping others to help themselves". Many clients will ask anxiously as soon as they sit down, "Should I divorce my husband?" Should I quit this job? Should I break up with my best friend? ”, to be honest, I sometimes feel impatient and want to put the answer directly into their hands, but I really can’t do that. Last year, a client came to me and was struggling with whether to break up with her boyfriend of eight years. He cheated on her three times and asked her to forgive her every time. She was reluctant to let go of the relationship for so many years, and she was afraid that he would not change his ways after getting married. I never said "you should break up" during the whole process. I just accompanied her to sort out what kind of marriage she wanted, what she gained and lost in this relationship. When we talked for the fifth time, she suddenly said, "Oh, I have actually wanted to break up for a long time. I just can't accept that all my years of hard work have been wasted." A week later, she sent me a message saying that she had moved and blocked all the other party's contact information. Now she goes to get off work to learn dance every day, and her life is very happy. You see, counselors are not life coaches. We just help you clear away the layer of fog that blocks your vision. After all, it is you who chooses your own path.

In fact, I have been working in this industry for almost 7 years. I rarely talk about these principles to my visitors, and I never memorize the rules. When I encounter a problem, my first reaction is always to think, "Is it good for him if I do this?" ”. To put it bluntly, these principles are not rules and regulations used to restrict anyone, but more like an umbrella that supports the counseling relationship. It not only allows the client to dare to show you the scars that have been hidden for several years, but also prevents the counselor from being overly involved in other people's life stories and losing himself. After all, what we do is human work, so how can there be any absolute standard answer?