Stress management training

Training that can break out of the "uniform stress reduction template", take into account individual characteristics and tools from different schools, and ultimately lead to "stress transformation rather than complete elimination" is the stress management training that can really be implemented and help people.

I went to an Internet company in Hangzhou for internal training a while ago. At the beginning, I asked everyone to write anonymously about the number one source of stress recently. The notes they received were very different: one operator who just graduated wrote, "I have to report three projects that did not meet the standards in the weekly meeting, and I was afraid of being scolded by the director until I cried in public." My mother wrote, "I have to chase the fallen KPIs while hiding in the fire escape to express milk, and I am afraid of screwing up on both sides every day." Another technical leader who led the team wrote, "I wiped my butt until early in the morning when my subordinates poked me, and the next day I had to smile and apologize to the product manager. I almost suffered internal injuries." You said that for this group of people with completely different sources of stress, you were taught to "meditate for 10 minutes every day" and "turn off your work phone after get off work". Isn't this nonsense?

What’s interesting is that until now, there is no unified conclusion on “how to do stress management training” in the training industry. The paths of instructors with different backgrounds vary greatly.

Lecturers with a background in clinical psychology mostly follow the path of "emotion tracing". The core logic is that "many of your current stress reactions are stress projections of past negative experiences." I have seen a senior EAP instructor conduct training and spend an hour and a half taking everyone to write a "stress trigger diary". Finally, I found out that the reason why several students' hearts beat faster when they saw the boss texting "Are you there?" was the hidden trauma left by being criticized in public for a previous reporting error. It was not at all how serious the matter to be discussed at the moment was. But there are also many people who oppose this approach. Many corporate HRs complained to me privately. The boss only gave me 2 hours of training time, but you spend half of the time digging up people's childhood memories? You will be judged on the spot as "engaging in metaphysics without practical knowledge", and you will never be able to enter this company again next time.

The other group takes the completely opposite path. Most of them are management or efficiency experts. They don’t talk to you about your emotions at all. They just throw away tools: the four-quadrant method to separate stress sources, the three principles of delegation to reject work that does not belong to you, non-violent communication skills to negotiate with the boss about lowering KPIs... The main idea is "you can use it the same day after learning it." I met a young man who worked in To B sales last year. After receiving this kind of training, he classified all old customers' return visits into the "Important and Not Urgent" quadrant, and turned around to target new customers. As a result, he missed the renewal needs of old customers, and lost three annual contracts at once. The pressure was three times greater than before the class. He did not consider that a large part of the pressure in the sales position comes from the uncontrollable market environment, which cannot be solved by breaking down the tasks. Last time, a sales trainee asked me to complain during a training break: "Teacher, nothing you say is useless. I am 200,000 short of my quota this month. If you can give me 200,000 in sales, I will stop worrying immediately." This made me laugh. I said you have to go to your boss for this problem. I really can't solve it.

I have been doing stress management training for almost 7 years. To be honest, I rarely adhere to a certain school of methods. Most of them are "food based on food": for training for production and research positions, I use more behavioral tools. This group of people have strong logical thinking and do not like to talk about emotions. You teach them how to set up a "two hours of uninterrupted development period" and how to use structured expression to discuss requirements with product managers. They take notes faster than anyone else; for positions such as marketing and operations where I deal with people every day, I add some tips for real-time emotional regulation, such as the "3-second abdominal breathing method". Before arguing with a client, I take three breaths before speaking to avoid emotions that ruin the cooperation. After the class, they all told me that it was very practical. I just used this method to avoid a quarrel with Party A last month.

There is another very common misunderstanding. The first request of many bosses who come to me for training is "to help employees stop complaining so much and be able to work hard under pressure." There was even a boss in the manufacturing industry who asked me to add a "Thank you to the company for providing job opportunities" link at the end of the training. I simply refused - this is not stress management, this is PUA. In real stress management training, the first thing to say is "it's normal to be stressed, and it's not because you're weak if you can't bear it." Let's make this premise clear to everyone first. Otherwise, all methods will be castles in the air. No matter how much you teach, people will think you are just standing up and talking without back pain.

I always leave a message at the end of every training: Don’t force yourself to clear away all the pressure. You are not a trash can and you have to empty it every day? Last time, a student who was a designer came to me for feedback. He said that when he was working on a project, he was so stressed that he lost dozens of hairs a day, but the final work he delivered was much better than what he had been working on for half a month. You see, don’t treat stress like a scourge. If you can handle it, take a break. If you can’t handle it, take a break. If it doesn’t work, just talk to your boss. There is really no need to force yourself to be an “emotionless tool” – after all, the ultimate goal of our stress management is to make ourselves more comfortable, not to be a better-bearing donkey for the boss.