What are emotion regulation techniques?

In fact, there is no one-size-fits-all standard answer. The adaptation methods vary greatly for different personalities and situations. Even if the same method is used in the same person's different emotional state, the effect may be very different. Among the clients I have contacted, some people can calm down panic attacks in a few seconds by relying on the 5-4-3-2-1 grounding method. Others have tried counting things around them, but the more they count, the more irritated they are, which actually aggravates their anxiety.

Last week, I met a girl who works in Internet operations. She said that every time her boss overturned a plan she had been working on for several days, her fingertips would tremble with anger. She had been told that taking a deep breath could calm her down. She tried several times but felt that the fire was stuck in her chest and would not go away. Instead, she had a headache. Later, I asked her not to force herself to calm down the next time she encountered this situation, but to reach out and touch the freezing ice mineral water on the workstation. The moment she felt the bone-chilling ice, most of her anger was relieved, and she would not be able to hold back and choke with her boss later.

Many people have misunderstandings about emotional regulation. They always think that only by suppressing negative emotions and restoring calm as soon as possible can successful regulation be achieved. There are actually two different tendencies in academic circles. One group advocates "emotional interception" first, giving priority to avoiding making impulsive decisions under excessive emotions and causing irreversible consequences. The other group advocates leaving enough room for emotions to flow. Forcibly suppressing emotional stress can easily turn into somatic problems such as headaches and insomnia, which will cause greater damage to the body in the long run.

In fact, emotions are like thunderstorms in summer. If you happen to be outside for a project report, you must find a place to hide, or hold an umbrella to block the rain first, so as not to get soaked and delay your work.； If you happen to be resting at home, there is nothing wrong with opening the window to listen to the sound of rain, or even deliberately standing by the window to feel the cool breeze blowing in. There is no need to block all the cracks in the window and make the room stuffy.

For example, if you are in a public place such as a meeting or taking the subway, and you are unable to have an emotional attack or cry, then you can pinch yourself quietly to save some pain, or stare at the branches of the trees on the roadside. This kind of "anchoring method" to draw attention away from the things that trigger your emotions is enough.； If you are alone at home and cry into your pillow for half an hour, or shout out all the unspoken curse words to an empty chair, it will be much more comfortable than forcing yourself to be "sensible" and "calm". Someone told me before that keeping an emotional diary is useful. I have also seen many people recall all the details of the quarrel when writing. The more they wrote, the more angry they became, which in turn consumed them all night long. It would be better to just write five words on the note, "I am very angry now", then delete the note directly after writing, or crumble the paper into a ball and throw it in the trash can. The effect is better.

Anyway, don’t just follow the standard answers on the Internet. After you try it, you will feel comfortable now and it won’t cause any trouble later. That’s a good technique for you.