What are the manifestations of the relationship between parenting and children’s health?

I have been a front-line family parenting guide for almost ten years. Based on these years of practice and research consensus in the field of public health, all parenting choices, from the combination of a complementary meal and a casual emotional response, to the creation of a growth environment and the planning of educational paths, all have an all-round impact on children's health from the three levels of physiology, psychology, and social adaptation, and even establish a lifelong health baseline.

Not long ago, I met two 4-year-old boys of the same age at a community free clinic. One was raised by his grandmother. They chased and fed them every time. They were always satisfied with their cravings for fried chicken and milk tea. The physical examination showed that their blood lipids were high, and their weight was almost 20 pounds over the standard line. They started to gasp after even two steps. The other one was taken care of by his parents. He has been eating light home-cooked meals with the whole family since he was a child, and he regularly goes downstairs to run and jump for an hour every day. His physical fitness is better than that of many children who are half a year older than him, and he rarely catches a cold throughout the year. There is actually a lot of controversy about feeding. Some people say that complementary food must be added on time at 6 months, while others say that it is necessary to wait until the child shows signs of autonomous eating. In fact, both opinions are supported by research. The core is to match the development rhythm of the baby. If the baby is hungry until the baby is hungry, or if the baby eats without restraint, it will cause hidden dangers to the gastrointestinal tract. There is never an absolute standard answer.

Many parents only focus on tangible hard indicators such as height and weight, but do not know the impact of parenting methods on their children's mental state. Instead, they hide it deeper and the health problems involved are more subtle. I met a 7-year-old child before who always complained of inexplicable headaches. He went to several hospitals but could not find any organic problems. Later, during a family interview, I found out that his parents always said, "If you don't do well in the exam, I will send you to boarding school." "If you don't obey me, I won't let you. "I'm done" to scare him, and the headache symptoms became more obvious every time when the final exam was approaching. Later, his parents adjusted their communication methods, gave more positive feedback, and no longer threatened to abandon or leave. Within two months, the child's headache disappeared on its own. Nowadays, everyone is always discussing "whether to be a tiger mother or a tiger father." One group thinks that strict requirements can develop children's resilience, while the other group thinks that loose and loose parenting can protect mental health. In fact, there are cases of deviations from both sides. I have seen children who were pushed too hard and suffered from tics, and I have also seen children who were pushed too hard and kept free of boundaries and were frequently anxious when they reached school age and could not adapt to the school rules. Choosing this degree is the most challenging part of parenting in itself.

In addition to the physical and psychological aspects, what is often overlooked is the impact of parenting on children’s social adaptability, which is a core component of “health” defined by the WHO. There used to be a mother who was always afraid of bumping into her children when going out, so she almost never allowed her children to go out to play with their peers except when going to kindergarten. As a result, her children would cry nervously when they entered a strange environment, and would have a fever every time the seasons changed or when school started. Later, she followed our parent-child camp for half a year, playing games and doing crafts with the children every week. Gradually, she dared to say hello to others, and the frequency of illness dropped a lot. You see, emotional and social adaptation status will directly feed back to the body's immunity and are not separate things at all.

To put it bluntly, parenting is like building a shelter for a young sapling that has just emerged. You don’t have to block it from all the wind, nor can it have its roots blown away by strong winds. Only when you give it the right space can it grow strong and resilient. Isn’t this the health we pursue for our children?