Recommended self-healing methods

Embodied therapy with the core of regulating body feelings, emotional unbundling method with the core of sorting out cognitive logic, and value reshaping method with the core of reconstructing the meaning of experience. There is no so-called "best" method, only the choice that suits you.

I used to be dubious about the role of "embodied healing" until I worked on a project for a week last time. Suddenly I couldn't breathe while sitting at my workstation, and all I could think about was "If I can't complete the task, I'll be doomed." So I tried the 5-4-3-2-1 grounding method with the intention of giving it a try: I touched the rim of the cold metal water glass, counted four different types of trees outside the window, smelled the orange peel that my colleague put next to me, took a bite of the mint candy in my mouth, and felt the solid feeling of my feet on the ground. In less than a minute, the tightness in my chest actually relaxed a little. Nowadays, there are different research directions on embodied healing. The cognitive behavioral school believes that changes in physical state will directly drive cognitive adjustment, while the psychoanalytic school is more inclined to believe that physical feelings are the outlet of the subconscious. There is no need to worry about which theory is more "right". You only need to know: when your emotions are so messed up that you can't figure it out, don't sit there and think about it. Move your body first - wash your face with cold water, do 10 jumping jacks, or even just stand and stretch for 2 minutes, it is more useful than sitting in circles in your head.

Of course, simply pulling back and feeling your body can sometimes cure the symptoms but not the root cause. If the little voice in your head never stops, you can also try cognitive adjustments. There is a lot of quarrel on the Internet now about "how to deal with negative thoughts." Some people say that you must reconcile with yourself and digest your emotions before moving forward. Some people say that you should ignore your emotions and just do what you need to do. In fact, these two statements correspond to the views of different schools of psychology. The former is biased towards the emotional healing of psychoanalysis, while the latter is the core proposition of acceptance and commitment therapy. No one is right or wrong, it all depends on your current state: If you still have the energy to think about your emotions, try it. Try the "emotional sticky notes" method. If you think of something bad, just write it on a sticky note and stick it on the refrigerator. There is no need to judge "I am too stingy for thinking this way." After a week, you will find that 80% of the worries have not happened at all, and most of the remaining 20% have solutions. ； If you are so tired that you don't even have the strength to cry, then don't force yourself to "digest your emotions" and put those bad things aside in advance. When it's time to eat and sleep, it's not too late to deal with it when your energy comes back.

Seriously, don’t believe the nonsense on the Internet that “to stop internal friction is to eliminate all negative thoughts”. Negative emotions are a normal human reaction. The more you force yourself to “not be anxious” or “not sad”, the more you suppress your emotions, which will only make things worse in the end.

When your mood is a little more stable, you can actually go a step further, that is, turn the previous pain from a "stumbling block" into a "stepping stone", which is what we call meaning reconstruction. Two years ago, a friend was laid off from her company, and the person she had been dating for three years broke up. She stayed at home for half a month, and instead of forcing herself to "get out quickly," she walked all the hiking routes in the suburbs that she had wanted to go with her ex but could not. Now she has become a well-known outdoor blogger. The last time we met, she said with a smile, "It turns out that I am not forgetting those days. It is because I have used the ability to be alone that I learned during that time to live more comfortably than before." Of course, some people say that this method is the "Ah Q spirit", which is essentially self-comfort. However, existential psychology originally believes that people's right to interpret their experiences belongs entirely to themselves. You don't have to regard pain as a lifelong scar. You can choose to let it become your confidence to move forward.

Finally, I have to be honest, self-healing is not a panacea. If you can't sleep or eat for more than two weeks in a row, have no interest in the things you used to like, or even have thoughts of committing suicide, don't force yourself to do it. Go to the psychiatry department of a regular hospital. You should get consultation and take medicine. This is not weakness, but responsibility for yourself.

Some friends around me healed by copying Buddhist scriptures, others healed by playing Lego, and some slowly got over the pain of bereavement by feeding the stray cats downstairs every day. Really, you don’t have to check in according to other people’s lists, do whatever makes you feel comfortable, and if you are willing to take good care of your own feelings, you are already on the road to healing.