Children's mental health protection

The most core and effective way to protect children's mental health is never to wait for children to have problems and then go to a doctor to "treat" them. Instead, the three parties of the family, school, and society first correct their respective cognitive biases, jointly build a "cover-up" psychological support system, and put in effort in daily life.

Last month I met a mother and son at a community psychological service station. The mother dragged her third-grade son in. As soon as she sat down, she complained that the child was "tired of studying, loves to hit others, and refuses to change despite repeated admonitions." She said that she had checked a lot of information and suspected that the child had ADHD and wanted us to issue a certificate and go to the hospital to prescribe medication. I left my mother and chatted with the little boy for twenty minutes, and then I found out that his parents had secretly divorced half a month ago, and they didn't dare to say it for fear of affecting his studies. However, the child had already noticed that the atmosphere at home was wrong: his father moved to the second bedroom, no one talked during meals, and even the amusement park that he used to take him to every week was cancelled. He thought it was because he scored 80 points in the last math test that caused his parents to separate. He was so grievances that he couldn't explain it. When a classmate touched him, he felt that he was deliberately bullying him, and he raised his hand to push others.

Don't tell me, in my six years of social work career, I have come across this kind of case of "when a child has a problem, the whole family looks for the root cause", I have come across either 100 or 80 cases. The traditional school of psychoanalysis always says that the essence of children's psychological problems is faulty attachment relationships in early years, and they have to dig out the root cause of their parents' parenting styles. However, the ecological system theory, which has become more popular in recent years, believes that parents cannot be blamed for everything - a public denial from a teacher in school, isolation among peers, or even violent clips accidentally seen while watching short videos may be the last straw that breaks a child's emotional state. The two views have been arguing for almost ten years, and now the industry has basically reached a consensus that a child's emotions are never isolated. To solve the problem, one must first understand the entire environment in which he is living. Only focusing on the child to "correct the problem" is essentially treating the symptoms rather than the root cause.

Speaking of which, we have to mention the currently controversial issue of “psychological screening of young children.” Those who support it believe that early screening and early intervention can nip problems such as depression and anxiety disorders in the bud and prevent them from developing into more serious extreme events. ； The opposition group is most afraid of the dangers of "labeling": It is just a periodic mood disorder in children. As long as the assessment results are even remotely close, they will be labeled as "depressive tendencies" and "hyperactive". Teachers will give special treatment and classmates will point out, but it will give children negative psychological implications. I encountered such a thing two years ago. A fifth-grade boy was diagnosed with "oppositional defiant disorder" during a school screening. His parents were so frightened that they took him to the hospital for treatment every day. However, he later changed his class teacher and no longer scolded him as "stupid like a pig" in public every day. In less than half a year, all the so-called "symptoms" disappeared. After all, assessment is just a tool, and how you use it is much more important than the tool itself.

Many people always think that the protection of children's mental health is a very high-level matter. It requires learning a lot of professional theories and spending a lot of money to attend emotional intelligence classes and psychological counseling classes. In fact, when I come into contact with it, the most useful things are small and inconspicuous things. For example, parents should stop chasing their children every day and ask them, "Were you good today?" Don’t treat the psychology teacher as a decoration in the school. Either be a moral education teacher to enforce discipline, or push the child away when there is a problem. The class teacher should pay more attention: the child who used to be noisy suddenly becomes quiet. Don’t praise him for “behaving better” first. Ask him if he has encountered any difficulties recently. ； If your child can't sit still in class and is distracted, don't scold him for being "not serious" first. First, check to see if there have been any changes at home recently.

Last week I bumped into something at the milk tea shop downstairs. A little girl who looked like she had just entered first grade was crying while holding her certificate. Her mother stood nearby and scolded her: "You just got the second prize and you have the nerve to cry? I spent so much money to enroll you in a training class, but you couldn’t even get first place. Isn’t it a shame? ”The little girl bit her lips to hold back her face until her face turned red. Tears had been rolling in her eyes for a long time but she didn't dare to fall. It made me heartbroken just looking at her. Nowadays, too many people have a misunderstanding: they think that children "have nothing to worry about", as long as they are fed, clothed and studied well, and those who have moods and tantrums are "hypocritical" and "habitual". I came into contact with a junior high school girl who attempted suicide last year. She ranked first in her grade every time. Her suicide note said, "I am just a test machine. No matter how good I am, no one cares whether I am happy or not." Her parents were still asking her until she was hospitalized, "Will it affect the top class exams next semester?"

Of course, there are many deviant "protection" methods now. I have seen parents spend tens of thousands of dollars to enroll their children in so-called "frustration education camps". They let their children run in the snow in the middle of winter, which is called to exercise their willpower. As a result, after the children came back, they had nightmares and cried every day, which made them feel even more inferior.； I have also seen schools that are afraid of children having psychological problems. They don't even dare to let children run in physical education classes, and they don't dare to criticize them at all. Instead, they raise children to have a glassy heart. In fact, there is no universal solution? Some families are suitable for family therapy, where the whole family sits down and talks things over. ； Some schools are suitable for building an emotional outlet room, placing sandbags and making a graffiti wall. When children are unhappy, they can go and draw a few strokes. ； Some communities are piloting "child psychological observers". Canteen owners and daycare class teachers usually see a lot of children. If they find anything wrong, they report it to the community's psychological station. These methods are all useful. There is no distinction between high and low, as long as they are suitable.

After all, the protection of children's mental health is never the responsibility of one party, and there is no perfect standard answer. To put it bluntly, treat the child as an independent person. Don’t treat him as a tool for you to realize your unfinished wishes. Don’t treat him as a learning machine that can only test scores. You are willing to spend ten minutes listening to him talk about the game he played with the ants today. You are willing not to get angry when he loses his temper. You are willing to believe that there are reasons for all his abnormalities, which is more effective than how much money you spend to enroll in any class. After all, children who can be well seen and well caught will not have too many pitfalls in their hearts.